Worlds Collided
by Anniepaulie
Summary: AU. Joey never went with Pacey in the end of season 3. Years later, she ends in Chicago, working at the County Hospital. ER crossover
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: no, I don't own any of the characters here, except some original ones. It´s a crossover with ER; featuring DR. Carter and co. along Pacey and Joey

I open my eyes slowly, cursing the damn alarm clock. I got home so tired last night that I ended up sleeping with my clothes. I look at the annoying red numbers. 6:00 AM. Groaning, I leave my bed, heading to the bathroom. After a good shower, I feel refreshed, but not ready yet to face another long day at the hospital. Walking groggily, I go to my small kitchen, and while my coffee is getting done, I notice the flashing light of my answering machine. I push the button, so I can listen to the messages.

"Hey, Joey, happy birthday! Call me later, I have lots of news, I finally got my first big budget movie!

I smile, typical Dawson, bragging about his life in a congratulations call.

"Joey, dear, you have to stop working like this. Call me, if you even remember you have a sister. And Happy Birthday"

Bessie. I have to go to Capeside soon; it's been so long since I saw her or the kids. Maybe for Christmas.

"Joey Potter, it's us. How dare you not pick up the phone? Even on your birthday?" Laughing could be heard. "Joey, forgive Jen, she's on a bad hair day. When are you going to come to our sunny San Francisco? Andie, wait, it's my turn." More laughter. "Joey, could you please stop making us talk to your answering machine?" Then three voices "Happy Birthday!"

Oh, I miss them. Since Jen, Jack and Andie had moved to San Francisco after college, I was trapped alone in windy Chicago. My eyes glance the old picture beside my phone. It had the six of us, whole high school gang. I take it in my hands, my finger slowly tracing the only one I'd lost touch. Pacey. His cocky grin, his brilliant blue eyes, his low voice. It had been so long, but whenever I closed my eyes, it seemed like yesterday. Memories fill my mind.

_"It's a new year. Who knows? Maybe we can even become friends."_

_"Don't you ever get tired of talking?"_

_"You can't say something like that to me and not expect me to kiss you. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. In about ten seconds I'm going to start to kiss you. And if you don't want me to kiss you, I guess you just gonna have to stop me. Ten."_

_"It's over, isn't it?"_

_"I remember everything."_

_"If weren't for Dawson, would you ever love me like that? Like a soul mate?"_

_"Ah, the good bye scene.__ I played that in my head over a thousand times. I come to you; announce my plans, heart in hand. You look at me, but the Potter sarcasm kicks in and I leave without what I want. You never ask me to stay."_

_"You could have made that decision months ago. It would have saved us a lot of energy. And heartache."_

I remember Dawson letting me free. I remember going after him where his boat was docked, hoping to reach him, but when I got there, he had already left. My summer was hell in earth, but I hoped I could talk to him when he got back. Three months later, when he came back for our senior year, he wasn't the same. He closed himself off his friends, concentrated on school for the first time in his life. Pacey Witter, class clown was gone, and Pacey, the book worm had arrived. He rarely hung out with us, and when he did, he avoided me like the plague. Until graduation.

Next weeks, most of us would be going to different colleges. Andie to Harvard, Jack and Jen to Boston Bay College, I was going to Boston University, Dawson to UCLA and Pacey, to NYU. We gathered at the Leerys' for our graduation party, when he talked to me.

_"Hey, Potter, you're finally leaving Capeside." _He said, looking into my eyes for the first time in almost a year

_"You, too, Witter."_I replied, getting lost in the depths of his blue eyes

_"Yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going to sail True Love for the last time and then go straight to NY."_

_"You said the last time?" _I asked intrigued.

_"I won't take her to NY. True Love stays here in Capeside." _His eyes seemed to tell me something else.

That night I tried to sleep, but after two hours tossing around my bed, I decided to go for a walk. The air was hot, heavy. I still don't know how I ended up on his dock again. He was sat on the deck, just looking at the stars. He noticed me there staring at him and just smiled, one of those smiles that would melt my heart in seconds. I jumped into the boat, we didn't say a word. I remember his hands touching my hair, and I can't tell who kissed who first. We went below the deck still kissing, his hands shaking while he took off my clothes, his eyes searching mine for permission, and I nodding in response. I remember his sweet kisses, his lips touching my body, teaching me everything I needed to know. The feeling of closeness when we were making love, his gentle touches, his sweet nothings assuring me everything was fine. But the thing I most cherish is that feeling of being safe, when he just stared at me, brushing my hair from my face.

I woke up hours later, knowing in my heart he would still leave in the morning, I dressed, blushing as reality of what I did kicked in. I sat on his bed, looking at him sleeping, tracing his features with a finger, trying to capture him in my mind forever. A week later, I got the last words from him in a letter.

_Jo_

_What can I say to you? I don't have words to describe the last moments we spent together. It was magical, when I opened my eyes and you weren't there I almost convinced myself it had been another dream. And that's the way I want to keep it. You'll always be my dream girl, I don't wanna reality spoiling the most beautiful moment I had in my life. Because let's face it: we'll be in different cities, two different worlds, you will be leaving the town we both wanted to leave since we were kids, and I will always be a reminder of Capeside and all the drama we went through here. I want you to be happy, start your life with a clean slate, fresh start. You can rebuild Josephine Potter from the scratch, finally knowing yourself without Dawson's point of view of everything. You will always be in my heart and my dreams, Potter, and that's where will we meet. Whenever I think about something pure, beauty in its essence, you'll be there. Whenever I see the stars, your face will be there. You'll be kept in the most sacred place in my heart. Forever._

_With all the love in my heart._

_Pacey._

My eyes blur with tears as I remember each word, each line. I always hoped he would be back someday, but he never did. I lived my life, the way he asked, found pieces of me that I didn't know yet. I never asked anyone how he was doing, although I knew Andie had kept contact with him. The smell of the coffee woke me up of my daydreaming. This birthday thing is getting me too sentimental, I chuckle to myself.

I leave my apartment in a hurry, late as usual. I take the train that would take me to the County Hospital, where I'm working as second year surgery resident, my eyes on emergency surgery. I see the ambulance coming in; sirens out loud and I sigh to myself. This is going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, this is an old one, one of my favorites too.

**Part 2**

Pacey's POV

I try to concentrate while I drive through the busy streets of Chicago, a little bit anxious with this new start in my life. I had a perfect life in NY until 2 months ago. Two months, three days and twelve hours. My peaceful world had turned upside down, and I did what I do best: I ran away, in search of another fresh start. I'm really good at that.

The first time I did it was the summer after junior year in High School. I had a broken heart and when she couldn't chose between me and her self proclaimed soul mate, I made things easier. I sailed myself to the Florida Keys. Three months in the open water, my brother's words haunting me. Every time you look at the stars you will see her face. I still remember the lonely nights, her eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes in my dreams. I remember the feeling that she would never want to be with a well-known screw up like me. After three months of bitterness, I came back home, hiding my feelings, but every time I looked at her, oh, boy...Those damn butterflies almost making me sick. I decided I didn't want to be that loser, failure, screw up, every other kind adjectives that were usually associated with my name. I studied and studied. Stopped with my quick retorts. From class clown to a nerd. All I wanted was to be someone she could be proud of, regardless being with her or not. Someone that could be accepted.

When the answers to college applications arrived, ironically, the only place I really wanted to go, rejected me. I wanted to get BU, just to be near her, but I got a flat no. I took that as a sign that we weren't supposed to be together. That she was destined to be my dream girl. And then it happened.

We had a little gathering after graduation. I went to my boat, I was going to sail her for the last time before going to college...That boat had so many memories, she had helped me when I was fixing it and her name ended up being my happiness and my curse. True Love. I just had to leave it behind. I couldn't sleep, so I stayed outside, just looking the stars, my heart heavy, knowing that maybe that afternoon was the last time I would ever talk to her, when she approached. Her hair touched by the wind, a shy smile on her face. I thought it was a mirage, but when I took her hand in mine to help her to come aboard, I knew she was real. I still can't believe we never said a word. We just kissed, the kisses building a tension...we went below the deck, still kissing, every time more feverish, with a passion unknown to both of us. When I felt her hand undoing the buttons of my shirt, I looked at her, and she just nodded. We had established a silent form of communication, with touches and kisses and looks. And I made love to her. I remember my hands shaking, my legs trembling as I looked at her and at the beauty of the gift she was giving me, I would be her first lover, not Dawson. If I close my eyes, I can still see her face where I could read her feelings of pleasure, of sadness, of regret, of love. I remember sleeping beside her, I felt when she got up, I pretended to be asleep. I felt her fingers tracing my face, in a silent good- bye.

I ran away again. I was so scared of having my heart broken all over again, it had cost me a long time to heal, so I took the easiest path. I wrote her a letter, where I outpoured my heart, saying she would be always my dream girl. She still is.

In NY, I made a new life, no one knew my past, and I was scared of my future. I broke every link with my past, lost touch with my old friends, except Andie, not that I wanted to keep it, but God knows how much she must have annoyed Doug that he gave in, and I started getting emails once in a while. But I never asked her about Joey, I didn't want to bring reality to my sweetest dream. In my heart, she would always be that 17 year old girl with a lopsided smile that teased me merciless in every possible way, my partner in banter and my good mood pill. I had many women, other loves, but no one ever touched my heart the same way she had, until four years ago, when the part of my heart that still belonged to me was filled by the most pure and beautiful love, giving me the same damn butterflies she used to give me. I became a slave of a pair of bright blue eyes, and my future finally made sense. But two months ago my bubble of happiness blew out. Two months, three days and twelve hours.

The sound of sirens brings me back to the present. I had reached my destination, my new life. The County Hospital, where I transferred to start my second year as a resident doctor in Emergency. Let the games begin.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks a lot for the reviews. Again, I won nothing.

Part 3

Joey hurried inside the hospital as fast as she could. Dr. Romano had been on her back for the past two weeks, only God knew why and she didn't want to give him more reasons. And of course, with her luck, she would meet him before she got to the OR. And that's exactly what happened when she reached the door.

"Dr. Potter, I thought you were supposed to be here at least ten minutes ago. What's wrong this time?" He asked sarcastically.

She stopped on her tracks, turning around to face the arrogant Chief of Staff.

"I have no excuses, Dr. Romano, I'm sorry, but I have a…"

"You mean you had that aortic-iliac bypass."

She sighed heavily. She had studied that case for the past week, got all set for today, and now she wouldn't be able to be there.

"Dr. Romano, I worked so hard for this surgery…"

"And Lyman will thank you for that. But don't be sad, you will have the whole ER to yourself to think about the importance of time." He left her there, going inside.

She rolled her eyes. Damn Brian Lyman, she had covered his ass for more than twice and now he would take care of her patient. What a day…She slowly made her way back to the ER.

"Hey, Joey, everything ok?"

She turned around to face Carter. She smiled; he was one of the persons she most liked there.

"Hi, John. I just gave the reason Romano wanted to banish me from the OR and keep me locked here at the ER."

"C'mon, Joey, we all know you love the ER. What was it this time?" He put one arm over her shoulder.

"He caught me arriving late, so he gave my surgery to Lyman. Carter, you know how much I work for my surgeries, my patients, it's totally unfair that slack called Lyman is going to do them, because Romano doesn't like me." She pouted.

Carter laughed; sometimes she looked like a lost little girl.

"Stop with the whining, it doesn't suit you. Let's see what we got for a poor surgery resident today. Here it is, curtain 1, bowel obstruction." He handled her a chart.

"Yummy…all I wanted to breakfast." They both laugh, each one going to take care of their patients.

Pacey arrived at the County's ER, feeling completely lost. It was so different form St. Vincent's, where he had been since Med School. A smiling nurse saw the lost man and came to help him.

"Hey, you look lost. New Med student?"

"No, I'm a doctor, I'm looking for…" He looked at the paper he had on his hand. "Dr. Weaver."

"Wait a moment. Jerry, do you know where Dr. Weaver is?"

"She was at trauma 2 a few moments ago." The receptionist answered.

"You can wait here…Dr?"

"Witter, Pacey Witter. And you haven't said your name." He told her with one of his best smiles.

"Lockhart, Abby, Lockhart, Head Nurse from ER. Welcome to the County, Dr. Witter."

She left him waiting there. He stood there bouncing on his feet, nervous. He wasn't used to be standing still for more than ten seconds anyway. He turned when he heard someone calling him.

"Dr. Witter?"

He faced the short woman standing in front of him.

"Yes, and you are Dr. Weaver, I suppose."

Kerry smiled, she wasn't one of warm welcomes but this guy seemed to put anyone at ease.

"I'm Dr. Kerry Weaver, Chief of Emergency Medicine. It's nice to finally meet you, Dr. Witter; we got good words from you from St. Vincent's. I'll call Dr. Carter, he's our Chief Resident, he can show you all and you can start to work, ok? Hey, Carter." She called; he was looking at the charts.

"Thanks, Dr. Weaver."

"Carter, this is Witter, he is a second year resident and came form St. Vincent's in NY, could you please show him the main things here." She left them.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Carter. Where do I start?"

"Nice to meet you too, Witter. Come here with me, the charts are here, I'm, Chief Resident, as Weaver must've told you. Dr. Corday is attending surgeon, as well Dr. Romano, who is also Chief of staff…"

"I know him, he interviewed me." Pacey told.

"So, you already know our nightmare here." Carter chuckles, followed by him.

"Then we have Dr. Lewis, attending, Dr. Kovac, attending, Dr. Chen, 4 year resident, Dr. Gallant, the same as you and Dr. Pratt, intern. And Dr. Lyman and Dr. Potter as surgical residents."

Pacey shudders slightly as he hears the name Potter, but that's unnoticed by Carter.

"And we have 2 trauma rooms, 4 exam rooms, and the usual proceedings…"

"Hey, Carter, can you please tell that damn intern of yours that H and P is 90…"

They both turned around to the female voice, belonging to a tall brunette, who dropped her chart when she saw who was talking to Carter, becoming pale. He followed her gaze, who was staring at the new resident, who was as pale as her.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm really happy you're all enjoying this little fic. Thanks for reviews. Annie

**Part 4**

_Joey's POV_

I stand there looking at those blue eyes I used to know so well. I see the shock mirroring my own. I feel my knees trembling, my hands shaking as I lean down to pick up the chart that had slipped from my lousy fingers. Potter, compose yourself, I mumble. God, I'm hyperventilating. This is not good. I lift my gaze again, no it's not a dream, it's Pacey Witter who's staring at me with darkened eyes, surprise and a kind of sadness taking over his features. I'm brought from my daze by John's voice.

"Joey, are you all right?" He looks at me with real concern in his voice. We have been friends since I came to the County when I was a third year Med student and well, friendship had led to other things a couple of months ago…I know I should've learnt by now that friendships must not be mixed up, but try to think about two lonely people trying to comfort each other. I stand up and even manage to smile.

"Yes, I'm fine, the chart just slipped." I'm relieved he doesn't push me for a better explanation.

"Joey, this is Pacey Witter, our new Emergency resident, fresh from New York. Witter, this is Joey Potter, one of our surgery residents."

Pacey looks at me, waiting for my reaction. I can almost swear he thinks I'm gonna bitch him out for closing me off, but I'm still too surprised to do even that. So instead of lashing him out, I smile and simply say.

"Pacey? What kind of name is that?"

I see him smiling, almost like the old Pacey I used to know.

"Joey? A boy's name on a girl."

We both laugh, making Carter confused.

"You know each other?" He asks looking at us.

"We grew up together in Capeside." I explain, still feeling my world was spinning around me. Pacey opens his mouth to reply, but Abby comes in.

"MVA arriving. They're bringing two victims."

Carter heads to trauma 1, and I follow.

"Joey, take Witter to the lounge so he can put his stuff there, and come back here."

I nod, and Pacey follows me silent. I show him where he can keep his things and we go back to the trauma rooms without saying a word to each other. It's not that I don't wanna talk to him, but what can I say? It's been ten years since we saw each other, almost a life time. Carter calls me form trauma 1.

"Potter, we need a surgeon here."

"What do we have?" I ask, work now filling my head.

"Linda Thompson, 34 years, she was driving and apparently lost control of the car." I hear him stating the vitals and what they'd already done. I check her abdomen with the ultrasound scanner.

"I'm calling Dr. Corday. She has a ruptured spleen. Call the OR and get her prepared for surgery. How is her crit?"

"29" Abby answers me.

"Good, let's take her." I take my patient upstairs and I take a quick peek over the glass window that divides the two trauma rooms, to see Pacey in a hurry, doing his best and I can't help smiling. He was back in my life.

The rest of the day goes in a blur. I spent a good part of the morning at the OR with Dr. Corday operating the MVA victim. When I get back to the ER, things are pretty busy and I spend the day working at stealing glances at Pacey, trying to convince myself he was really there. And now I'm here, outside the ER, waiting for Carter, we were going to celebrate my birthday at home, with pizza and movies. I don't have to look to know that Pacey is outside too, I can feel him like I always did.

"Hey." He talks to me, still unsure of how to act around me.

"Hey." I feel the awkward silence between us again.

"I don't know what to say here." He mumbles. "I'm still socked."

"So am I. This shouldn't be so difficult…"

"It's always been difficult between us, Jo." He sighs sadly. I see again that painful glint in his eyes, I wish I could do something, but I don't know how close I can get after all those years.

More awkward silence. Carter arrives, hugging me.

"What a day, huh?" He asks me, and then turns to Pacey.

"Don't get scared, Witter. It isn't always like this."

I roll my eyes when I hear this, it was usually worse than that. Before the awkwardness gets worse, I decide to cut John, before he starts bonding with Witter.

"John, can we go? I'm really tired."

"Sure, Joey. See ya tomorrow, Witter."

"I'm going home myself. See you guys tomorrow."

He stands there, watching me leave hand in hand with Carter. I hear his voice calling me.

"Hey, Potter." He yells.

I turn around to face one of those old smiles that seemed so rare now. (Maybe I'm assuming things, but he looks like he never smiles anymore.)

"Happy Birthday!" And with only two words I know he still remembers everything.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the kind reviews. As you already know, I own nothing, so on with the show.

**Part 5**

_Pacey's POV_

I watch her leave, still believing I'm on one of those dreams...When Carter was telling me the staff names this morning, I felt something in my heart with the name Potter. And I almost choked when I felt the butterflies that I thought dead, even before I heard that voice, her voice. I turned around, almost paralyzed, the world spinning around me, and there she was, beautiful as I had her in my memories, elegant, even wearing scrubs, shock taking over her graceful features. Suddenly I couldn't form any coherent thought or sentence. I heard Carter introducing us like his voice was miles away, I must admit it, I was waiting for anger, charts being thrown over my head for leaving, closing her from my life, and then she smiled. Always the unexpected. She smiled and it was like ten years were just the other day. For the first time in the past two months I felt the need to smile again. But working at an ER means not much time to talk and we didn't pass from greetings.

She was gone to OR all morning. I kept stealing glances all day when she came back, watching her being everything I thought she could be. I had to go to the bathroom once or twice to wash my face to convince myself that it was reality, she was right there. How could I be so dumb then to leave her? Let to the old Pacey to screw up things. But I can't turn back time and correct my mistakes.

I was heading back home, ready to rest and try to absorb the new reality I was thrown in by Fate when I saw her, outside the building, obviously waiting for someone. The awkwardness of being ten years apart falls between us, I ask myself what to say, what to ask, but I don't find the right words. Carter arrived to break our uncomfortable silence, and I saw him holding her, taking her hands in his, and I can't help feeling a sharp pain, but at the same time I feel happy for her, he is a nice guy, and I had no right to feel anything but friendship for her, if she allowed me so. And when she leaves, something sparks in my memory. I call her, she turns around surprised as I yell Happy Birthday and she grins, in a silent acceptance.

I drive myself home, better, the place I'm living, since I'm crashing at my sister's until I find a place of my own. Gretchen was the decisive factor to my move to Chicago, she and Doug were the real family, the ones who cared and I needed to be around who cared. I drag myself through the steps to her apartment, the long nights with no sleep, the hard day at work and the emotional roller coaster I was in, charging their tolls over my body. I enter the warm apartment, my sister and her husband smile welcoming me, and I go straight to my room, trying to find comfort in silence. I smile when I see the baby sleeping on her crib, and I look at the picture that I had on the dresser, a silent reminder of everything I had lost. I take the hidden picture of Joey I always carried in my wallet and place it beside the newer one. I sit on my bed, watching what I had lost in my past, and at what I still have, until I fall asleep, feeling the silent tears in my eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

It's really great to have all these reviews ;) Thanks a lot!!!

**Part 6 **

_Joey's POV_

I walk into the lounge hoping for a single moment of peace. The past two weeks had been awful I've never seen the county so packed before, it seemed like everybody decided to get sick these days. I see Pacey around the corridors, but we haven't talked yet, unless you count our timid hellos and good-nights. John asked me what had gone between us, and I told him we knew each other since diapers, but lost touch when we went to different schools, letting the little drama we went through in high school apart. After the initial shock of having him so hear, many things went through my mind, I wanted to ignore him, to beat him and sometimes I just wanted to hold him and other times…Joey, get over yourself, you have a boyfriend, you shouldn't have this kind of thoughts about Pacey Witter. I sigh loudly as I plop myself on the old couch, closing my eyes, tired. When in the past ten years I haven't had these thoughts about him? That guy had been labeled hot the day he was born. And now, older, with that mystery and sad looks, dressed in scrubs…Damn, think about Carter! I hear someone entering the room…Thinking about the devil…

"Hey, Potter. Hiding here?" He asks me.

"I should ask the same, Witter." I try to hide the emotions I always feel when he is around.

"I came to drink some coffee to keep me awake." He explains. "Is it always busy like this?"

"No, these past two weeks have been the worse in two years." And the usual awkward silence falls.

"Jo, I've been meaning to ask you something…" He starts, hesitantly.

"Say, it, Pacey."

"I don't wanna spend the next years here, working around you with both of us being uncomfortable around each other."

"That's really not my fault, Pacey… You are the one who disappeared for ten years…" I can't help the bitter words.

"Fair enough. But can we talk and maybe forget these past years and try to be friends again?"

"We were never really friends. We were more like sparring partners." I hear him laugh before he replies.

"Still the same, Ice Queen."

"Look who is talking, Jailbait." The nicknames help to ease the tension.

"So, what do you say, Potter?"

"I agree we should talk, Pacey. We can meet after work tonight at Ike's, that restaurant across the street."

"I can't, I'm working on the night shift too tonight. But I can go there tomorrow."

"Fine, tomorrow it is. Be prepared for Joey's Inquisition." I can't help smiling.

"Should I write my will?" He asks me, furrowing his brows.

"Maybe" I tease, but my pager starts its annoying concert of beeps, and I have to go. "I gotta go, we'll talk tomorrow." I leave the lounge, feeling that my problems were only starting. How am I going to be able to ignore the fact that I have a boyfriend that I really like and that I'm more attracted to Pacey Witter than I was when I was 17?

_Pacey' POV_

I watch Joey leaving, while I finally drink my coffee, asking myself what I had done. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to her after so long, what I am or not ready to tell her…How will she react if I tell her everything that happened these past years? But it's so good to have her around again, to have a familiar face to look at…And due the latest events in my life, I feel the need to reconnect with my past, at least the better parts of it, and she certainly is one of those. I'm still broken with everything that happened, that mad me leave NY, but I realized I have to go on, regardless how I feel, if not for me, for my baby daughter who depends too much on me. I chuckle sadly. What will Joey say when I tell her that I have a daughter named after her?


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for all the reviews. They mean a lot to me :) By the way, I think it's pretty clear by now I don't own them :p

**Part 7**

_Pacey's POV _

I had been anxious all day. Today I was going to talk to Joey, but I was not so sure where this conversation would lead. Ten years differences wouldn't be solved with a two hour talk, and I don't know how much I'm ready to tell her. I don't know what she's gonna tell me, I feel that the charts flying that I expected the first day could happen today. The fact that seeing her again woke up some feelings I thought dead wasn't making me feel more comfortable either. I was tired, double shift can kill a man, but I couldn't say no when Gallant asked me to cover for him, and work usually keeps my mind busy enough to not wonder. Some days I wish I could feel nothing, like when I was too shocked to realize what happened, the pain so overwhelming that it was like seeing life after taking an overdose of pain killers. Too numb to process the pain. I know people here are starting to talk about me, wondering what is wrong with Dr. Witter; he never talks about his life outside the hospital. But I'm not ready to tell my secret to anyone, not yet. I don't wanna feel the pity, commiserated looks I was receiving when I was in NY, I don't wanna people trying to comfort me, I feel I'm not worth it. I'm alive.

I saw Joey discussing something with Dr. Pratt, the most annoying intern I ever met. He must have paged surgery without consulting Carter or an attending first, again, and that usually made Potter react like well, Joey Potter. I got closer enough to hear their talk.

"Pratt, how many times do I have to tell you: don't page me before discussing with Carter or Weaver, or Kovac. Are you sure this is appendicitis?"

"That's why I paged surgery, Potter." He answered arrogantly.

"Fine, I'm already here. Go ahead, I'm all ears."

"Linda Thompson, 41, married, chief complaint is abdominal pain since 6 am, getting worse for the past half hour. Tender abdomen."

I take a look at the patient, and I do my best to hold my laughter. This time Pratt is in real trouble.

"So, Mrs. Thompson. When did your pain start?" I heard Joey asking.

"Since, this morning, dear. It's like cramps, it softens from time to time, and then it starts again."

"From time to time? How much time?"

"Hmm...About five minutes." She tells.

"Mrs. Thompson, when was your last period?"

"I don't remember, they have been irregular since last year...but I had some bleeding today."

"Excuse me, I will examine you now, ma'am." I decide to join them; I know they'll need help in this.

"Everything fine, Potter?" I poke my head inside the curtain.

"Dr. Pratt, page OB, now." Both of us talk at the same time.

"What?" the intern looks at us like we were crazy.

"You didn't notice Mrs. Thompson here is pregnant, in labor, Pratt." I tell him. "And get one of the staff here to help us." I watch him leave, still confused.

Joey and I turn our attention to the patient, who looks at us in disbelief.

"I can't be pregnant, I thought it was menopause."

"Mrs. Thompson, Linda, it might be shocking but you are pregnant, fully dilated and the baby's head is almost crowning." Joey tells her.

"Jo, do you think we'll be able to remove her to the maternity ward."

"No way, Pacey, the baby is here."

I turn my attention to Mrs. Thompson.

"Linda, you will have to help us here. Are feeling the need to push?"

"Yes" She mumbled.

I looked at Joey, and she silently nodded."

"Ok, Linda, push now." I tell the lady.

"Good job, Linda, I see the head."

Pratt arrives with Carter and a tray that had clamps and everything else needed.

"Do we have time to wait the OB?" Carter asks us.

"No, the head is here. C'mon, Linda, one more push." And in few moments we hear the healthy wailing of the newborn.

Memories fill my head, and I excuse myself, leaving them like I had a ghost after me. I take deep breaths, trying to compose myself, knowing that everybody was surprised with my behavior. I go to the bathroom, wash my face, not noticing that Carter had followed me.

"Witter, are you ok?" He asked me concerned.

"I'm fine…it just got too hot there."

"You should go home, you don't look fine."

"My shift is almost over, I can handle it."

"Ok, but take a good rest at home; you seemed you were going to pass out there."

"Thanks, Dr. Carter." I wonder if he knows I'm going to have dinner with his girlfriend tonight and that makes me feel even worse.

After finishing my shift, I went to _Ike's_ and waited for Joey. I was sipping my beer when she came in, her hair falling on her shoulders; she always has it on a pony tail or a bun while working, but now it was free, soft brown strands around her face, as I remembered. I shake my head trying to put the other images of her my mind was creating. She sat with me with a smile.

"What happened there, Pacey?" the Inquisition was starting earlier than I thought.

"Nothing, Potter, it was too hot, just that." I give her the same lame excuse I gave to Carter. "So, what do you wanna talk about?"

"When did you get married, Witter?" She is pointing to my left hand, pointing the wedding ring I still wore, and I know I'll have to tell her everything.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm so happy with all the reviews...Really glad you all enjoy this. Don't own them..blah blah blah

**Part 8**

_Joey's POV _

I saw Pacey flinch, his eyes clouded with pain when I asked him when he got married, and I instantly regretted my question. What kind of question was that anyway? I don't see the guy in ten years, he shows up and the first time we actually talk, instead of finding some closure for our past, I make that stupid question, like I was still harboring feelings for him. He shifts on his seat, clearly uncomfortable, as I try to find words to say I'm sorry, even though I'm not so sure what I'm sorry for. He takes a long sip of his beer, and answers me in a low voice, his gaze avoiding mine.

"Can we not talk about this now?" I nod, embarrassed, the last thing I expected was seeing him so broken just by mentioning that. I feel his marriage is a sore subject for sure, and I don't know how much he's ready to tell me.

"So, Pacey what can we talk about it now?" I ask, trying to put him at ease.

"I don't know, tell me about your life, I never expected to find you in Chicago I thought you were in Boston." He looks relieved that I don't insist on my question.

"Pacey, cut to the chase. How much has Andie told you?"

"I should do the same question then."

"She never tells me anything, she tried to tell me how you were doing several times, but I always said no, I thought that was what you wanted."

"I thought that too, Joey." He explains, his face taken by regret ness. "first I wanted that. Then I started missing you, but I thought you would never forgive me to leave you like that, and I put the subject hidden back in my mind, trying to find the guts to face you again."

"And why didn't you do that? I would be mad at you, but at least I wouldn't find myself thinking that I hurt you so badly that you never wanted to see me again. Or that you regretted what happened…"

"I would never regret it, Jo. Do you?" Pacey asks me.

"No, Pacey, I don't. But it hurt me to know that you could still speak to Andie and not a word for me."

"I really didn't have too much choice about that." He chuckles sadly. "Andie bothered Doug so much that he gave her my address and my email. You know how annoying Andie can be when she wants."

"Pacey, why did you leave like that?" I have to ask it.

"I was scared, Joey. I thought days and days about what happened, and I was scared of what I felt for you then, I remembered how my heart was broken in junior year and I decided I didn't want to be a part of the Dawson and Joey saga anymore, I wanted to be just Pacey. It wasn't easy for me to be away like that. Many nights I asked myself if what I did was right, and deep inside I knew it wasn't."

"I really hurt you…" I whisper, ashamed that my indecision caused both of us so much pain.

"I hurt you too, Potter. We were both young and stupid then."

"And what do we do now, Pacey? Pretend that nothing happened?"

"I'm not that naïve to think we can do that. But I want to ask you if you can put our past behind us and be my friend again. We're both adults, we don't have to hold things against each other that happened so many years ago."

I don't know what to answer him. We moved on with our lives, but the past was haunting us for too long now. Maybe we could finally kill those ghosts. Maybe this is what growing up is really about, putting your ghosts behind you so you could face your future with nothing hanging on your shoulders.

"I have a proposition for you, Pacey. Let's start this from the beginning. We've been through a lot these past years; we could get to know each other again. And try to be friends again."

His answer is a weak smile and I wonder what happened to make him so sad like that. I know now that there's something wrong with his marriage; he didn't even want to tell me when he got married. But what happened?

"I would like that, Joey. You're the only person besides Gretchen that I know here, and she's my sister. And if we are going to be friends, there's something I need to tell you, but not here."

"Why not?"

"I can't, Jo, I have to show you something." He pleads and I nod, trying to figure out what he wanted to show me. We leave the restaurant and he takes me to his sister's place. Gretchen is really surprised when she sees me, but doesn't utter a word when Pacey takes me to a room, leaving me even more intrigued. I notice the crib, where a baby, not much more than a newborn lays. I watch Pacey picking up the baby carefully, and I don't know why I'm holding my breath.

"Joey, this is my daughter, Josephine Witter."

I feel the world spinning around me, he has a daughter with my name, I want to ask about his wife, but I can't find the words. Like in a dream I hear his shaky voice when he starts to talk.

"My wife, Maggie, she died in a car crash almost 3 months ago, she was 8 months pregnant, but they could save the baby."

I feel all the pain he must have been in these last months, but somehow I sense there's something more tragic in his story by the way he's looking at a picture over his dresser. I see the smiling blonde, blue eyes, holding a little girl that was a mini version of Pacey at the age of four. I find back my voice, but again the words don't seem the appropriated ones.

"Who's that kid?"

He turns around to face me and I see the tears in his eyes running freely, I never seen anyone in so much pain.

"That's my daughter Sam. She died on the accident too."


	9. Chapter 9

**Again, I have to thank you all for the reviews . Sorry for not updating sooner.  
**

**Pacey's POV**

I don't know what made me bring Joey here and tell her about the crash that killed Maggie and Sam. Maybe was the need to share my pain with someone who had lost so much too. I'm so tired of carrying this sadness, this agony by my own, pretending I'm strong enough, that nothing happened. I sit on my bed, holding my baby in my arms, and I hear a sob, not realizing it was me. Joey keeps looking at me, trying to figure out what she could do to help me, fighting tears of pity, knowing I didn't want to see her crying. It's weird, but we always had this silent form of communication, not even Dawson, her claimed soul mate, could understand that. It was like that whenever I showed up with bruises that she knew were caused by my dearest dad and she would just hold my hand. It was like that when she was sad and I knew she was thinking about her mom. When in that fateful night, before she could speak, I knew she was breaking up with me. Or junior prom, when I felt how torn she was. Or the silent good-bye we had, in which we said so much without words. Not even ten years changed that.

She calmly took the peacefully sleeping baby from me, laying her back on her crib. She took my hands in hers, making me stand up, and I felt her arms around me. My last defenses are broken and my emotions run free in a flood, reflected in tears that don't stop to fall. She runs her fingers softly in my hair, soothing me like she would do to a child, and I hold her like she was my salvation. I bury my face on her neck, uncontrollably sobbing. I don't remember crying like that when I was told Sam had died or when I was asked to save Maggie or the baby. I don't remember crying during the funeral when I felt so guilty to be alive while they were there lifeless. I don't remember crying when I had to pick all their stuff to donate. But it seems that the tears had finally found their way.

She just holds me close, in a silent way to comfort me, resting her chin on my shoulder and I dig my fingers in her silky hair. And suddenly I'm surrounded by her scent, the feeling of her skin under my hand, the same I had so imprinted in my memory, the same which filled my fantasies and dreams for the past ten years, and another wave of guilty washes me, but I can't let go of her. And, although I'm miles and miles away from Capeside, for the first time in ten years, I feel I'm home again.

**Joey's POV**

I stared at him, hesitantly. I didn't know what to say or do when he told me about the tragic events on his life. He sat on the bed, holding the baby, and I wonder why he named her with my name, and as tears ran from his eyes, he looked so defenseless like his daughter. I fought my tears, but I had to do something, I couldn't bear see him in so much pain. I took the little baby from him, my heart melting as I held her in my arms and when I placed her on her crib, so innocent; I knew what I had to do. I approached Pacey, pulling him in my arms, trying to give him my strength. He held me like I was the last source of salvation, and I tried to calm him, raking my fingers through his hair. I felt my shirt getting soaked by his tears, but I knew he had to cry like that, that he still hadn't done that. He doesn't need to tell me anything we had our own silent form of communication where we could always read each other and it seemed it hadn't been affected by the years.

I shiver when I feel his warm breath on my neck, his arms around me, his hands caressing my hair and censure myself; I try not to think that my blood has started to run faster in my veins, making me feel more alive than ever. We stay like that till his tears and sobbing slowly subsides, and I cup his face between my hands to look into his eyes, my thumbs wiping his tears, and he manages to give me a weak smile.

"I'm here for you, Pace, whenever you need me." I whisper, proud he still thought of me as a friend in whom he could trust.

"Thanks, Potter." His voice faltering in his answer and I feel his lips kissing softly my forehead. My heart skips a beat, my legs go weak, and for the first time in ten years I know I'm on the right place.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm really sorry for taking this long to update...Thanks for all the kind reviews.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me...well, Bella does ;)

**Part 10**

**Joey's POV**

"Charge 200J. Clear." I have the paddles in my hands, trying to bring the young man back to life.

"Asystole"

"When was the last epi?" I ask.

"Five minutes ago. We have been on this for an hour now. It's time to stop" Carter tells me, taking off his gloves, taking a look at the clock on the wall. "Time of death: 06:43 p.m."

I always hated those words. I know that being a doctor, I should be used to them by now, but it still comes to me as a feeling of failure. My failure. My mind gets filled with thoughts of what if… I take the gloves off and my eyes are attracted to the other trauma room, where Pacey is fighting the same battle I lost. I wonder how he feels now; it's been so recent he'd visited the other side, the side that had to deal with loss and sadness. In a certain way, I envy his strength, even if it's an act. I'd be still crashed if I were in his shoes, but he can't stop still, he has to move forward, leaving his ghosts behind. I wonder again if it really works, if his ghosts really left them. Would that make me a ghost too?

He didn't tell me much details. I let him cry all he needed; wishing I could say something, do something to ease his pain, but I know better than anyone that time is the best medicine for that. Pain never really goes away, it only becomes more bearable.

"Joey, are you ok?" Carter's voice snaps me out of my reverie.

"I'm fine, John, I just got sad to see such a young man lose his life so stupidly." I manage to smile. He puts a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and smiles back.

"I'll go tell his family, don't worry about that. Going home already?" His voice is too suggestive to pass unnoticed.

"You already know the answer." I shrug.

"So, what do you think: you and me, nice dinner?" He puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk to the lounge. I take a small glance at Pacey, I see he's got his patient stabilized and is sending him to the ICU.

"Carter, by nice dinner you mean Chinese at my place, don't you?" I ask.

"Do you know anything better than that?" He kisses me quickly.

"John, not here!" I slap his chest.

"For the first time, I should agree with Dr. Potter." We hear Dr. Romano's annoying voice. "I must remind both of you that this is a hospital, not an adequate place for public displays of affection."

"It won't happen again, Dr. Romano." I say, the better regretful tone I could manage. That guy could be such a pain in the ass.

"Good. And Carter, don't let her stay up late, Dr. Potter has to be at the OR at 7 a.m. sharp tomorrow."

"I won't." we watch our dearest Chief of Staff going to bother someone else. "He really knows how to ruin the mood, doesn't he?" He whispers to me.

We both laugh, as we get ready to leave. We end up bumping into Pacey who comes to the lounge to grab his stuff too.

"You guys wanna a lift? I'm with my car." He offers. I look to Carter, who answers for me.

"Thanks, Witter, it's a cold night."

"You can call me Pacey. You are Joey's boyfriend, there's no need to such formalities." Pacey smiles. For the first time, I see some of old Pacey in that smile.

"Fine, Pacey. Shall we go?" He asks me.

"Sure, but let me just call my insurance company and tell them I'll probably need their services."

"Potter, I'm hurt. Do you forget who taught you to drive?" Pacey asks me in mockery pain.

"Now I have an explanation for why she drives so badly" Carter teases me.

"Stop you two. I'm not here to be teased by both of you." I roll my eyes, causing the tow men to laugh.

"Josephine, you are so easy." Pacey tells me. And the three of us go to his car.

**Pacey's POV**

"What is going on with me?" I ask myself for the hundredth time since I offered them a lift. Since I told Joey my secret, I feel like a thousand tons weight had been removed from my shoulders, but I feel wrong feeling this way. I know she didn't tell anyone, not even Carter, but the words she told a couple of days ago came to my mind. "Share your pain, Pacey, it will make it easier to heal" Am I ready to face all the pity faces I received almost everyday back in New York? There's only one way to know it. I'm going to ask her to tell Carter, I'm not ready to tell the same story all over again, but she can do it for me. I leave them at Joey's place, she seems really happy around him, like I always wanted her to be. I drive to Gretchen's place, promising myself to find a place of my own as soon as possible. A smile slowly crept to my lips as I remember our conversation about my daughter.

"_Why did you name her Josephine?" She asked, holding baby Joey in her arms.._

"_She had to fight to live, stubborn as hell. And you are the most stubborn woman I ever met." ._

"_I have to think about a nickname for her."_

"_Why?"_

"_I don't feel comfortable calling her Joey. It's like calling myself." She explained, trying to make me laugh._

"_Ok, Joey. Say it, what do you have in mind?"_

"_Bella._ _Because she's really beautiful." She nuzzled my baby's face, my heart melting in my chest; that was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. I censured myself for having those feelings._

"_Ok, Bella it is." I agreed._

I sigh while climbing the stairs to Gretchen's apartment. I'm doing my best fighting the butterflies, I can't feel this way, I'm not allowed to feel this way, I already screwed up things with Joey once for wanting more than friendship. I'm not making this same mistake again.


	11. Chapter 11

I´m really sorry about how long it took...life happens.

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own them.

**Part 11**

**Pacey's POV**

I walk through the white corridors, the lights hurting my eyes. I reach the closed door, feeling my hands shaking as I touch the door knob. It's dark inside, so dark that I can barely disguise the forms lying there. I step closer, unsure of what to do, just to recognize the lifeless bodies. I immediately think about Maggie and Sam, but when I pay more attention, it's Joey and Bella lying there. I try to do something to save them, but it's too late, there's nothing I can do and I'm left in the darkness alone to face my ghosts.

The baby's wail brings me back from my nightmare. I leave the bed, still shivering, trying to figure out what that could mean. I take Bella in my arms, she's not hungry, just wants to be rocked again to sleep and that's what I do. It's the same dream I had through the first month after the accident, but it was always Maggie and Sam on it. And now, they've changed to Joey and Bella. After putting my daughter back to sleep, I lay awake in my bed, staring the ceiling; I have been doing this for a while now, so I know how much spots of dirt are there, I can even tell this room had been once yellow from a place where the old painting was showing up. Not that it really matters.

I know how tired I am, that I should go back to sleep, but my eyes refuse to close, and when I close them, I see again parts of my nightmares. Sometimes I dream about my old apartment in NY, about getting home to find everyone gone, other nights I'm again alone in the sea, in my old boat, trying to mend my broken heart. But all of them have the same theme: all my losses. The loss of my heart at the age of seventeen, the lost of my hopes for a future four months ago.

The alarm clock starts to shout out loud, making me drag myself out of bed, to face again the hard work at the hospital after a non sleep night. During the shower I wonder if I should tell anyone about these dreams, but I really don't wanna go back to some stupid grief counselor who will try the same talk that it will pass with time. Believe me, I already tried that.

I take breakfast not really tasting the food, and I promise my self that I have to find a place to live. I love Gretchen, her husband is a nice man, but I'm starting to feel I'm nothing but a burden on her shoulders, she's been taking care of me and my baby, but I have to go back to my feet. Maybe Joey could help me to find a place.

Joey…these past two months, with her back in my life have been the most contradictory I have ever lived. After all we have been through ten years ago; she had offered me her unconditional friendship, something I never expected. Maybe out of pity, I try to tell myself, but I feel like she really missed me through this years. Quoting her own words: I missed my favorite punching bag. But I have been nothing but that lately. It's like we are back again at those times that, despite our banter, we could talk about everything and sometimes words are not really necessary between us. She told me about her not so happy times in these years, like her failed marriage to a guy she met at college, but about happy times too, like when Bessie had her little niece, Rebecca, five years ago. And I'm slowly letting my guard down around her.

And here is where the contradictory thing comes. I feel like I shouldn't do that, that I'm already hurt enough, that she's a living reminder of some of the pain I have been through my life, but when I look at her , a single smile trying to comfort me when she senses my inner storms, and I immediately feel warm inside. I try to close myself to her, but it's getting harder and harder. How am I supposed to close off my own heart? And then guilty washes me, I feel again that I never was a good husband to Maggie, and it's not fair to Joey, cause she's happy with Carter, and I like the guy too. And that puts me in a daily emotional roller coaster.

I yawn loudly again while I close my locker at the lounge. Another free ride is just ahead me.

**Jo****ey's POV**

I walk into the lounge, just to meet Pacey who's loudly yawning. Since we were kids, he has never been a morning person, but lately, he's always getting here like he had no sleep at all through the night. Whenever I ask the answer is still the same, the baby kept him awake, but I feel there's something else. He started talking about it the other day, but Jen chose that same moment to call me, and he closed himself off again. I know that he's been through a tough grieving process, better than anyone and sometimes I wish I could help him more but I just don't know what to do. What am I supposed to? Tell him I would do anything to put his smile back on his face? Would that be enough?

I'm trying to be for him the best friend I can, I listen to whatever he wants to tell me, but it's been a fight with myself. My conscience tells me he's just my friend, that I have a nice boyfriend that I like, that he's not been there for me these past years, but my heart…ah, my heart, it just melts anytime when I'm near him, I feel like a stupid teenage girl, my knees go weak, and I can't stop smiling when I see him. And I'm happy just about being near him, being there for him. And my life has turned into a big fight between my head and my heart, and I know it will be a battle with no winners.

"Morning, Jo." He greets me with another yawn, his eyes almost closing, giving him the looks of a little boy.

"Morning, Pace. Bella kept you awake again?" I smile when I remember the baby. Each day I'm more in love with that little girl, I have never been a fond of babies, but her little blue eyes just got me. The same blue eyes her dad has.

Pacey simply nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"I think I need a caffeine overdose to keep me awake today."

I involuntarily laugh and surprisingly he joins me.

"Potter, can I ask you a favor?" He looks a little bit embarrassed to be asking me.

"Sure, Pace, what is it?"

"I need help to find a place to live, and someone to baby sit Bella, and I don't know much of the city, you know."

"Pacey, I'd be really happy to help you; you wouldn't have to be embarrassed to ask me that."

"I feel like I'm being a burden to everybody…"

"Witter, stop the self pity road now, ok? Actually, I know there's a vacant apartment at my building, we could go there after work to check it. And about the baby sitter, I can talk to Dr. Corday, she hired one for her baby, she must know where to find a good one. "

He smiles and finishes taking his third cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Jo." And he leaves me there, thinking about what I have just done. Pacey would be living right across the corridor. Another reason to make Carter jealous.


	12. Chapter 12

**Part 12**

**Joey's POV**

I go down the stairs, my steps heavy; my eyes can barely see; I feel so tired. What the hell is wrong with me? I have this feeling that I screwed up everything in my life right now. Everything started to crumble around me today. First Carter. What started as simple friends with benefits was turning more and more complicated. He wants more, and honestly, I don't think I can give that. He wants to move in together. I want keep things the way they are. I have confidence and intimacy issues, he told me. Of course I have. Or do you think it's easy to trust a man like that after finding your husband, with whom you just got back from your honeymoon going down and dirty with one of your best friends, the girls who was your roommate during college and one of your bridesmaids? Damn you Eddie Doling and damn you too Audrey for doing that to me. Going back to Carter's issue. I like the guy, but moving in together…large step I'm not ready to take.

Then the second part of my brilliant day. I had lunch with Pacey. Each day that passes he's looking more and more like the boy I used to love and hate. I can tell he's healing, slowly but he is. And he also chose me as his confident. He started telling me about some nightmares he was having, but now they're fading away. He tells me about how great his wife was, how happy they were when Sam was born. I smiled and teased him about how much he liked a boy's name on a girl. And in the end, I realized I envied him. Despite the tragedy that came over him, he still can smile about his memories. While all I got are broken relationships and loneliness. Maybe I'm the problem here. Me and my inability to love and be loved. I have to face it…love really scares the hell out of me. So I close myself to the world. And I envy Pacey because he goes for it, no matter how many times he'll get his heart broken. And I can't do that. What should be as simple as the act of breathing for me is worse than Einstein's theories.

And of course...to end a big day I had to have this stupid fight with Dr. Romano. He was nagging me, saying those little sarcastical remarks during all surgery and I blew it out. I was tired, and I ended up standing up, calling him the male version of a bitch, what resulted on a two-day suspension. Great…exactly what I needed right now.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that the rush of the paramedics bringing patients in didn't bring me back from my self over analysis session. I entered the lounge wanting just a minute of peace, closing my eyes. I'm just so tired. I think about calling a friend, someone else to talk. I hear someone popping a head through the door, but I choose to ignore whoever is out there.

"Joey, you have to come immediately to Trauma 1. We need a surgeon there." Abby shouts, her voice shaking.

My sense of responsibility is stronger than all the tiredness I'm feeling. I follow Abby, who is almost running through the patients as we get there. To my surprise, everyone is looking at me, like waiting for my reaction. And when I check the patient lying there, I know why. It's a friend of mine, the girl who was my roomie as soon as I arrived in Chicago. We parted ways when I got my feet here, she stayed at Northwestern and I came to the County, but we managed to stay good friends.

"Oh, God, Chris, what happened?" I feel that I cried her name out loud, but no more than a whisper was heard. I hear someone telling me what's going on. I hear someone telling me that she had been raped and stabbed several times, one large cut in her chest demanding a surgeon to help there. I put on my gloves, avoiding looking at my friend's lifeless face. I have to do something; she can't go away like this, not Chris with her bright smiles.

"Give me a thoracotomy tray." My hands are shaking as I use the scalpel in my friend's chest. "Retractor" I hear the irritating noises of the machines that are helping to keep her alive. My vision is blurred...too much blood. Blood in my hands, in her chest. Her blood. "Suction" I can see her heart. The heart that consoled me so many times. It has a cut right there, blood flowing. Her heart that had been broken so many times, never really healed. "C'mon, girl, I know you can do it." Nothing. Her heart is just tired. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I know what I have to do.

"Time of death 23:34"

I run my hands through her hair…and suddenly I have to go away, I run, ignoring the looks, I have to go out, ignoring the cold November weather, I feel my stomach sick and I throw up, trying to release my sadness, my anger for the loss of a good friend.

**Pacey's POV**

I followed Joey outside. I knew exactly what she was feeling. It was the same when I was working and I saw my wife being brought to the room next to where I was working. When I asked for my daughter and they said that she was already dead. When I watched through the glass my co-workers fighting to bring Maggie back to life, trying to keep Bella with us when nothing else could be done to keep my wife alive. The pain that makes us numb. Then the inevitable questions, the looks, people telling you everything is gonna be all right. I still wonder when it will happen. Seeing Joey fighting to keep her friend alive brought back all the nightmare scenes I have deeply carved in my mind. I see her vomiting, I take a coat to warm her, and she tries to fight me when I hold her, but I slowly take her back to the lounge. She sits there and I don't say a word. I know she doesn't need words now. I leave her alone for a while, I have to go back, and the police officer wants to talk to Joey since she knew the victim. Victim. From a friend to crime statistics. I tell Joey that the police want to talk to her and she simply nods. Carter is not working tonight and I ask Dr. Weaver if I can stay with Potter and she allows me.

I sit beside her, intertwining my fingers with hers, noticing how small are her hands. She had that blank stare, no tears, telling in an emotionless voice that Chris had an abusive husband, who used to beat her and she had left him about two weeks ago. The officers seemed to be satisfied with her answers and left us. She looks at me and I know she needs to be alone for a moment. I go back to work, my thoughts still with her. I see her resting her head against the couch's arm, eyes closed, but I also know she's not sleeping at all.

In the morning, before leaving, I look for her and I see her outside the hospital, playing with a basketball, aiming angrily the ball against the wall. I know she's ready to leave and she's still not talking. I wonder if she talked to Carter when he arrived. I just look at her and ask if she wants a ride back home and she nods. She seems to have lost her ability to speak.

We ride back home in silence. Not a comfortable one, I might add. But I know she will come around when she is ready. I stop at Gretchen's to pick up Bella and not even the baby make her say a word. I walk her to her door before going to my own apartment. She pleads me with her eyes to come inside. I lay Bella down on her bed and she's standing in the middle of her living room with a picture in hand. It's hard to recognize the same lifeless patient we left at the morgue. I slowly put my arms around her and she lets the picture slip form her hands, burying her face in my chest, first tears and then sobbing. I let her cry how much she needs, enjoying the warmness of her body against mine, wishing that I could erase her pain. She lifts her head to say something, I get lost in her brown eyes, shining with tears. My hands go without my command to her face, cupping it; my thumbs wipe away her tears. She sighs, it's like we're under some kind of spell, her lips parting to finally say something and I silence her with a kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Joey's POV**

I feel his arms around me, his body pressed against mine, his mouth searching for my neck. I want to get off the bed. I know this is wrong, it feels so wrong now…I turn around to face him, his morning smile, eyes still groggy. I smile as I try to kiss him back; his hands start to roam over my body. The alarm clock starts to scream and I mentally thank it.

The past three weeks have been like this. Carter tries to get close and I can't help but feel guilty. One kiss, not more than that to make me feel guilty. But when I close my eyes, my memory betrays me and I remember every second of it. How it was to taste Pacey's mouth again, his hands softly stroking my hair, how my blood started to run fast in my veins, his hard body against mine. A kiss that first had all the good intention to calm me down, but grew with a passion in few seconds, feeling that had been repressed for the past years returning all of a sudden.

The baby crying broke us apart. We stared at each other not knowing what to say, but our eyes saying more than any form of spoken words.

"I think it's better for me to go." His words barely above a whisper.

I nodded, I couldn't say anything. I watched him leaving me again, with his daughter in his arms. I closed my eyes, remembering every second of it. Like his taste wasn't already a part of my memory. A part well hidden in my heart. Then I started to feel guilty. He might have started the kiss, but I was the one who pulled him closer. I was the one to open my lips desperate to taste him after so long. What is he thinking about me now? That I'm some crazy woman that likes to have complicated a love life turning her friends into lovers. And I would have to agree. And Carter? What to do without hurting him? I know he suspects something happened, but he thinks it's about Chris' death. What can I tell him?

Of course, me being Joey Potter and Pacey being Pacey Witter, we haven't talked about it yet. Or should I say, we are avoiding it. We say hello, I ask him about Bella, we talk about amenities. We pretend it was nothing, it never happened. But we both know too damn well that a kiss between us never was and never will be nothing.  
We get to the hospital, I'm still lost in thought. I go straight to the OR after kissing Carter and greeting Pacey with nothing more than a nod. He never greets me with his eyes anymore.  
**  
****Pacey's POV**

I watch her leaving the lounge; I can't bring myself to get closer to her anymore. Not when my feelings are all mixed up. So many thoughts, voices telling me so many different things. And one memory. That kiss.

My life could be defined by some moments. My first time with Tamara. The car crash where I first met Andie. The kiss on the side of the road. The night I made love to Joey in my boat. The day I met Maggie, drunk in a bar after Doug telling me Joey was getting married. The day Sam was born. The day I lost both of them and was left alone with a newborn baby. The day I kissed Joey again. The day I screwed up things again.

My intention had been just make her stop crying. I never could stand to a crying Joey Potter. But the moment my lips touched hers, something woke up inside me. Something that I firmly believed was well hidden inside of me. The need, the longing for kissing her. Like white noise, now I realize it has been always there. It was like drinking again after being on a desert. My hands had their own will as they made their way to her hair, so soft as I remembered. As I could ever forget. Her taste, salty due her tears, but still so unique, so Joey. Her soft sighs as the kiss grew in passion. Her lost stare when we broke the kiss. Something that was so impressed on my mind. Familiar.

I ran away form her apartment, locking myself with Bella. I couldn't sleep that night. I stayed up all night, Maggie's picture looking at me, making me feel guilty. Guilty for never opening my heart entirely to her. Guilty for thinking about Joey all these past years. Guilty for never being able to really move on. For never being the husband she wanted me to be. She needed me to be. Her blue eyes looking at me through the glass, sad eyes, eyes that loved me. And all I can do is feel sorry, for her, for myself.

After losing her and my beloved daughter, I ran away again. I had to create a new reality, like I did the day I left Joey behind. But fate had another plan. Maybe it was life's way to tell me that you can't really run away from your past. You just postpone things. And one of those postponed things happened. Joey happened again. And since the day I met her again, I'm wrecked.

Wrecked because all the past feelings for her came back with renewed force. I tried to deny it, tried to pretend that it was just me needing a friend in a hard moment in my life. And that was all se offered me. Friendship, pure and simple. No questions about the past, like she understood that she had her role at the developments of our past relationship. I tried to tell myself that she is just my friend, tried to ignore my heart beating faster when I see her with Bella, her smile while she plays with the baby. Or when she frowns, tired during her shift.

And I had to follow my impulse. A stupid one, might I add. Count on me about doing the same old mistakes when it comes to Joey Potter. After rebuilding my friendship with her, I had to screw up things again by kissing her. And how good it felt. And I'm not supposed to feel good. Not when my wife is laying on a cold grave in NY.

I have been avoiding Joey for the past three weeks, afraid of what the confrontation can bring. I know she hasn't told Carter yet, that she's avoiding the subject just like me and whenever the guy is nice to me I feel even guiltier.

The day goes though without much news. Patients come in, some we can help, others don't have such luck, and all I can think is my own personal drama. When my shift is over, I head towards my car, ready to hide again inside my place, but I hear a soft voice in the night calling me.

"Pacey, wait."

She runs after me, her brown eyes full of decision.

"We have to talk." 


	14. Chapter 14

**Part 14**

**Pacey's POV**

"We have to talk." Four little words that stopped me, making me turn around to face her eyes. She had a serious look; dark circles making her look pale, but decision was written all over her.

"About what?" I'm still trying to postpone. What does she have to tell me? That we can't ruin our friendship because of one stupid kiss? Or what scares me most: that she felt exactly like I felt after that kiss? I know her pretty well to know deep inside what's my answer. She rolls her eyes in typical Potter way before answering.

"Don't play dumb with me, Witter. You know exactly what we have to talk about. You're not running away on me this time."

Straight to the point. No doubt that she's not going to make this easy for me. I close my eyes, breathing deeply, images of her, mixed with Maggie's, making me bounce between guilty and hope.

"I wasn't planning on it, Jo." I whisper.

"It doesn't look so" she quips, staring me sadly.

"I need time, Joey, to process what happened." I start, but she stops me.

"Time? What do you have in mind? Another ten years?" Potter sarcasm kicking in.

"Why are you bringing this up, Joey?"

"Pacey Witter, stop dancing around. If you need to ask me that, you are dumber than I thought. We can't do this again"

"Kissing?" I catch her off guard with a single word, but her answer makes me wonder.

"No, ignoring things between us."

Before I could give her an answer, her pager started its annoying mission on interrupt us.

"I'm letting you off the hook now, Pacey, but this conversation is not over."

"Not in a thousand years it would be, Joey. But you are right, we have to talk." I surprised myself with my words.

She starts to walk back to the ER, but turns around and gives me a soft kiss, leaving me unable to utter a single word.

"You're not that dumb after all." She whispers, walking away from me. I'm paralyzed by fear as I watch her slender figure going inside the hospital. Damn, count on Joey Potter to turn my world upside down when I least expect it.

**Joey's POV**

I don't remember feeling better and worse at the same time in my whole life, maybe just when Pacey kissed me on Aunt Gwen's backyard all those years ago. That Witter guy seems to have this effect on me. I feel bad because of John, but I can't keep pretending that nothing happened. It's not fair to both of us. I know he loves me, but I can't love him the way he expects me, like I could never really love anyone, not after giving my heart to certain blue eyed boy that took it away with him. I blame Eddie for cheating on me with Audrey, but our marriage wouldn't have lasted anyway. Not when what I was looking for was a replacement for what I had lost. Some people can tell me that it's crazy, absurd to proclaim such kind of love for a teenage passion. Those people don't know Pacey Witter.

Somehow during these past years, unconsciously I waited for him. The day I saw him again, my heart knew that. Just my usual stubborn self didn't want to face reality. When he told me his history, I told to myself that it was compassion. Friendship. I couldn't dare say other.  
Then he had to come and kiss me. How could I deny anymore what had been growing up inside of me these past months? All those feelings I had bottled were like champagne at New Year's. I'm not really good with analogies. Among with those, new feelings for the man he grew up to be, making me weak on my knees, scaring me. Fearing that I had hurt him so badly that friendship was all that we could have. But that kiss. It wasn't for sure a kiss from a friend; despite it had started like that.

I look to John across the table. I agreed to have dinner out, he planned this so carefully, and I was breaking inside. I know what I have to do. Even if Pacey doesn't feel this way. I start to freak out. Carter looks so happy. I can't do this tonight. Tomorrow I'll talk to Pacey then I'll do the dirty job. I stop my inner rambling when John takes my hand.

"Joey, I have something very important to ask you."

I stare at him quizzically, feeling like a dream when I see him taking the small box from his pocket.

"Will you marry me?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Part 15**

**Joey's POV**

Clamp. Cut. Suture. It's mechanical, practical. Small gestures that can save a life. It's one of the things that I like about surgeries; they're usually predictable, unlike life.

I never thought that John would propose that night a week ago. It was shocking; I kept staring at him for a long time, speechless. A part of me, that scared little girl that shows up form time to time, wanted to say yes, to preserve a friend form being hurt. And then I saw the past ten years of my life passing through my eyes in a glimpse. In a wicked way of fate, I was back at where I started; it was like a life's warning that I had the chance to do things right this time, to follow my heart, once and for all. The scared little girl, went back to hide, and I said the only thing I could. No.

It was hard to see the pain in his eyes, when I said that single word. Two letters, but the meaning behind them could break a heart. He didn't ask me why. He didn't plead. He just said the same words I had heard before.

"It's over, isn't it?"

I tried to find words, trying not hurt him more than I already did, but he seemed to understand, without any other questions. He simply told me that he knew he had wished for more than he could have, but despite that, we could still be friends. I really hope that we will be able to do that. Carter is a great person to have in your life.

I can't stop myself to compare this and the Dawson situation years ago. Dawson was so worried about himself, about being my self claimed soul mate, that he forgot to be exactly what I needed, a friend. Not only when he found out about me and Pacey, but later too, when I told him I was getting married to Eddie, and through my painful divorce, all he could do was mumble about I should be with him. No wonder why our long life friendship is now limited to postcards and random calls on birthdays or holidays. And I have a warm feeling that Carter won't be like that, and it's very relieving.

But despite this, I can't help feeling uncomfortable now that our break up has become pretty much public. I feel the eyes on me, and some murmured words. Hospitals are small societies and it's amazing how the gossip spreads through, I've already heard four different versions of how we broke up. Even Dr. Romano had made one of his smart ass commentaries, something in the line of whose's the next heart that will come in pieces to be fixed. Really nice of him. But what is starting to get on my nerves is that the only person who has not said a word about it, is the one and only. Pacey Witter.

I sigh, finishing the last stitches. Human mind is really a wonder. I can think about my soap-operistic way of life and do my job at the same time. After talking to the patient's family, I head down to the ER, my eyes scanning through doctors and patients, searching him.

We still haven't talked, nothing more than the usual compliments and professional talks, the awkwardness since that kiss still not gone. I ask myself if the fact that Carter and I are over hasn't scared him, that somehow I will put him against a wall, a wall that I'm not quite sure if we're ready to face yet. He's been distant these past days, almost the same when he first got here.

My shift ends and I couldn't catch a sight of him. Abby tells me he had called in sick. That was not his usual behavior, I think, while I get back home. I shower quickly, worry getting the best of me, and soon I'm standing in front of his door, unsure if I should or not knock.

**  
Pacey's POV**

The first thing I did today was check the calendar. November 28th. Twenty-eighth of November. I should have noticed it before, Thanksgiving was four days ago. All my brave faade crashing on my feet at the sight of those numbers together. And I almost forgot it. Better put, I was pretending to forget it, dreading that this day would come, making me remember. I don't want to remember that I won't see those blue eyes shining again, her sweet smile, the way she ran to my arms whenever I got home. The way she looked at me when she wanted something, knowing that I would move the world for her. How my world would lighten up when I listened to her tiny voice saying daddy.

I remember the first moment I saw her, still covered in blood and fluid, and all I could think was, wow, I have a daughter. Her pink fingers clutched around mine, making me feel scared and happy, my world had a new reason to keep moving. I will never forget that day. A rainy November day. November 28th.

I stared at the calendar for what seemed an eternity. My feet glued to the floor, my eyes to the piece of paper with bright red numbers. Images from the past five years flashing before me. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't notice the tears falling, ignored the sobs locked in my throat, my stomach aching, I felt I could throw up at any moment. I'm not sure how I reached the phone, called Gretchen, telling her to pick up Bella and call the County for me. Leaving me alone to face my sorrows and inner demons. Me and old buddy Johnny Walker.

I know that drinking won't help me; it never does, because when you recover, your problems are still there. I'm not the kind to drink away my sorrows, but today, I needed the numbness that comes with the drunken state. I couldn't even look at Bella's face, her eyes so alike her sister's. For one damn moment I asked why she was here and my baby Sammy wasn't. Even knowing that I was thankful for having her.

I poured the golden liquid, carefully watching its glow reflected through the glass; the first sip burning all the way down to my stomach, its warmth bringing some relief to my sickness. After a whole bottle, I still hadn't found the numbness I was looking for. I felt dizzy, sick, and stupid. Everything but numb. I dozed off on my couch, all the alcohol I drank took over me.

I don't know how much time I had been in my drunken stupor when a constant banging woke me up. At first I thought it was just my throbbing head. I shook my head, cursing my own stupidity when I felt the pain. It took me another couple of minutes to realize that there was someone knocking my door. I decided to ignore it, but after a while I heard the door being unlocked. Only two people other than me had a key to my place. And now I was facing a not so happy Joey Potter before me.

I watched her face change from pure concern to rage within seconds. The way her eyes shone, her arms crossed in front of her chest, the pout in her lips. God, I must be really drunk, because I was enjoying having an angry Joey around.

"You are drunk! Drunk as a skunk!"The accusatory tone in her voice almost making me flinch.

"Congratulations, Dr. Potter. It's a brilliant diagnosis. Four years of college and another four at Med School making you come to this conclusion."

"Pacey, what the hell is going on? Regressing to your early highs school days?" She sat on the coffee table in front of me. "And don't you dare say it's nothing."

"I'm starting to regret that I gave you that key." I tried to sit, wincing. Getting drunk like that definitely had not been the smartest idea.

" heard the TV, you weren't answering the door; what else did you expect me to do?"

"Stay away," I answered, ignoring the pain in her brown eyes. She didn't reply, just stood up and left. I closed my eyes, too tired to argue, but was forced to open them again when a splash of cold water hit me.

"What the fuck was that, Potter?"I yelled, feeling very much awake all of a sudden.

"Call it bringing Pacey back to his senses. " She threw her spare key at me, heading towards the door, and I knew I had to stop her.

"Potter, wait."


	16. Chapter 16

**Part 16**

**Joey's POV**

I freeze before my hand could reach the doorknob. I turn around slowly, facing him. I remember few times when I saw him in such messy state. Hurt, vulnerable, his wits his only defense against the world. But his eyes, oh, boy. Those clear blue eyes held all the truth behind them. His deplorable state must be consequence of all the emotions he had bottled up the past months, denying them, fighting them. Triggered by a banal act or memory, everything exploded. I wonder what could be. Maybe the anniversary of the first time he met Maggie, I think angrily. Get over yourself, Josephine. You're getting jealous of a dead woman. The woman who gave him two children, by the way, while you were exactly what? A high school sweetheart? One night stand? I shake off the bad feelings, and focus on helping him, no matter what. However, the words roll off my tongue before I could think about them.

"Wait for what, Pace? To be insulted when the only thing I want is to help you?"

He stares me fighting to find the words, bouncing on his feet.

"I...I need to throw up,"he mumbles, running to the bathroom.

I stand there for a second, unsure if I should follow him or not, deciding for the first option. I stop at the doorway, watching him kneeled beside the toilette, emptying his stomach.

"You must be happy now," he mutters between waves of nausea.

"You are a doctor, you should've learnt that you usually throw up after getting drunk. On second thought, you wouldn't even need Med School for that, just college would do fine."

"Ha ha ha, very funny, Potter,"he replies dryly.

"I learnt with the best." I give him a pity look. "After you finish this, take a shower. Meanwhile, Ill make you something to eat."

"Eat? You expect me to eat?" he rolls his eyes before throwing up again.

"Johnny Walker is not considered food, you know? And it seems that's all you had today." He mumbles something sounding like _I hate you_. "And you can hate me as much as you want, doc, as long as you do what you're told." Pacey throws a roll of toilette paper at me, and I leave him alone.

I hear the sound of water running. Just being able to help him makes me smile. That's cheesy and corny, I know, but around him, I'm sixteen again, so it's allowed. The doorbell rings and I answer, meeting a worried Gretchen, with Bella in her arms.

"How is he, Joey?"

"Pretty messy. What triggered this?" I take the baby from her, ruffling her soft hair.

"It's Sammy's birthday. He needs help, Joey, but he's so resistant about it."

"Stubborn as hell." It makes sense now why all he wanted today was to forget. I sigh, wondering if he would accept specialized help.

"You love him, don't you, Joey?" Gretchen whispers with a knowing smile. I nod, not able to form the words right now.

He might not say, but he loves you too. I think he always did. I'm happy you're here to help him."

"Me too, Gretchen, me too."

"I need to go; do you want me to take Josie with me?"

"No, I'll take care of her, don't worry."

"Bye, Joey, bye Bella Josie. And..."

"Gretch, I'll take care of him too."

She leaves with a thankful look. I stare at the baby that looks at me with her innocent blue eyes.

"It looks like were going to take care of daddy, sweetie. I kiss the top of her hair, leaving her at her playpen while I make some soup and coffee."

I come back with a bottle for Bella and Pacey is still MIA. I wonder if I should go after him. Maybe he passed out while showering. Images of Pacey naked in the shower fill my head. Damn it, Potter. First, take care of the baby, then her crazy father.

While Bella sucks happily her milk, I start talking to her, telling things about her father, about me, things she'll never remember, and will never tell anyone about it.

"And you know one thing, Bella? Never underestimate love. When I was a kid, I messed up real bad with love. I denied it, ran away from it, and you know where it brought me? To ground zero. I am as hopeless in love with your daddy as I was ten years ago." I hear something falling on the ground with a thud, turning to see a frozen Pacey at the doorway, his eyes full of surprise and pain.

**Pacey's POV**

I had heard some voices during my sobering shower, but stopped on my tracks when I heard Joey's voice talking with my daughter

I had heard some voices during my sobering shower, but stopped on my tracks when I heard Joey's voice talking with my daughter. It must have been Gretchen then, worried about me. And I know she's got reasons for that. I'm worried too, I think it's about time for me to admit that Jo is right. I need help on this. Time to swallow your damn pride and ask for help.

"And you know one thing, Bella? Never underestimate love. When I was a kid, I messed up real bad with love. I denied it, ran away from it, and you know where it brought me? To ground zero. I am as hopeless in love with your daddy as I was ten years ago." I hear her saying, making me drop the little baby toy I had brought for Bella. A shot of surprise stuns me, I never thought I would hear those words from her. The simple thought that maybe she's confusing pity with love brings me a dull pain. I don't wanna her pity and I don't dare think about her love.

She stares me with those big brown eyes, she knows what I heard, and she's waiting for my reply, but right now, I can't give a proper one. I push everything I really wanna say to the back of my mind. I'm not ready for her love.

"Pace? Are you feeling better?" she asks in a low voice, afraid to wake up the baby that just drifted to sleep.

I nod, I don't trust in my voice right now. So many thoughts in my head, and alcohol still running on my system. I tilt my head, and she gets what I mean in our usual wordless communication, taking the baby to her crib. I follow her, and again pain stings my heart when I watch her putting Bella to sleep, kissing her soft curls before coming with me back to the living room.

We sit side by side on the couch, neither of us knowing what to say. I watch her twisting a strand of her hair, like she does when she's nervous, and I feel a need to touch her hair, to certify if it's as soft as I remember, scowling myself for even thinking about that. She's the first to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Pacey, I know you heard what I was saying to Bella. I need you to understand that I didn't say that expecting you would hear. Or that I'm expecting anything from you now on"

"Joey, I think you might be confusing love with pity here, and I really can live without that."

"Pacey Witter, don't tell me what I am feeling right now, because you wanna know what? You might even not be ready to hear this now, but I don't wanna deny it anymore, as scary as it is. I have been in love with you for the past ten years of my life, and I was stupid enough to do nothing about it when I had the chance. I'm not asking anything from you, I'm just being honest." She sighed tiredly. "I lived these last years lying to myself, pretending that everything was cool and ok, when it wasn't, too proud to even ask anyone how to contact you."

I don't know what to reply. Part of me wants to tell her that I feel the same way, and part of me is just too scared to reply. How many times I dreamt about those words and they came at the worst time possible. Joey can't stop talking, she looks like a flooded river of emotions. She stands up, pacing in front of me. I can't help the chuckle, I must be still drunk, and this is just some kind of drunk fantasy. Yep, this is the safer road.

"I know I have no right to say all this to you. And I'm not giving any ultimatums here, Pace. But I want you to see the difference."

"What difference?" I'm not getting her point in this whole love declaration thing.

"Pacey, I kept only dreaming these last years. My life has been full of what ifs and wonderings. You, you went and had life, real life. Yes, you lost your daughter and your wife and that hurts like hell, but you can't forget what you still have. You have a wonderful daughter, the most beautiful baby in world and you close off your love, and don't even try to deny it. You keep dwelling on the past, but the past only haunts us, Pacey."

"So I don't love my daughter now? That's precious, Potter."

"I didn't say you don't love her. But obviously, you try to not be too much attached. Pacey, you get as many night shifts as you can. And today you sent her over Gretchens to get drunk."

"I could try to stay here and explain to you what is like to lose a child, Joey, but you'll never understand."My head is throbbing now. How dare she say all that to me? It takes a long pause before she replies on a tone I haven't heard in years, only when her mother died.

"I know the feeling, the gut wrenching feeling that there was nothing you could do to save someone, someone you could give your own life if it was possible. Just because I don't talk about it, doesn't mean I don't know how it feels."

I feel dizzy. Who is she talking about? A sudden fear that maybe shes talking about a baby we had, that could be possible and I never heard about must be written all over my face because she quickly starts to explain.

"I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was helping Dawson to pack when I stared at his calendar. It was July fifteenth."

I freeze at her words. Joey...pregnant with my baby. I was at a loss of words; I didn't know how to react.

"I didn't need to be a Math expert to know what it meant. A wave of nausea sent me straight to the bathroom, almost knocking Dawson out of my way. While I emptied my stomach, I started crying. You had made it clear you didn't want any kind of contact. If I went to your family, they could even bring you back from New York. I wondered what Bessie would do, how I would go to college. It's amazing how fast your mind works under stress."

"What happened, Jo?" I manage to whisper, still too shocked to process it.

"Dawson went after me and asked what was going on, and I answered that I thought I was pregnant. I don't know what was worse for him. Knowing that I might be pregnant or if I really were, the baby was yours. We had a harsh exchange and his words that I would never escape my fate as white trash kept dancing in my mind while I ran away from there." She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Against my worst expectations, Bessie was very supportive when I confirmed it. She wanted me to inform you though, but I couldn't bring myself to ask Doug about your whereabouts. That's when Andie started bugging him till he gave in."

"Andie knew?"

"Pacey, everybody knew then. I had your address, your e-mail, but I couldn't write, no matter how much I tried. My damn pride. You had left me, twice. The months went by really fast, I went to college, Jack and Jen helped a lot, when I wasn't feeling good. And I kept postponing writing that letter. Until the holidays' break."

"I had this hopeful feeling youd come home for Christmas. But you never showed up. Something broke inside of me, that gut feeling that I was going to do that all alone and I wasn't ready at all. I went into labor on New Years Eve, almost six weeks before the due date. My baby boy...I never thought I could love anyone as much as I did in the moment I had him in my arms. He was so tiny, so small."

"How did you name him?" I feel myself on the verge of tears again, and I thought I had no more tears left today. How mistaken was I?

"Dylan. And don't think it was somehow related to 90210. "She gives me a teary smile, while I still fight my own tears. "Dylan was the Irish God of sea, and the sea always reminded me of you. " She sniffs and I lose the battle against my tears, I let them run freely and she sits beside me, taking my hand in hers, trying to find her own strength to what I know is going to be the hardest part of her narrative. I squeeze her hand, feeling helpless. I should have known this. I can't stop blaming myself for not being there with her, for not even knowing that I had had a son. Joey seems to sense that, because she squeezes my hand, before speaking.

"Pace, I am to blame too, never forget that."

"But Joey, I shouldn't have run away like that."

"Blaming yourself for what happened won't help it, believe me, I tried."

"But..."

"Pacey, please, let me finish, or I won't be able to tell you what happened."

I nod, reassuring her with another squeeze on her hand.

"The doctors took him to the Neonatal ICU, because he wasn't breathing properly. They first thought it was a consequence of him being premature, but it was more than that. He had a congenital heart disease. Total anomalous pulmonary venous connection, plus a left ventricular-right arterial shunt. The only thing that could help him was surgery."

There was no need for her to tell me that, I remembered about a similar case I had on my first days on Neonatology rotation. The studied symptoms coming clear to my mind. Pulmonary congestion, cardiac failure, cyanosis. Death.

"He didn't have enough weight, so we had to wait. However, with all his breathing problems, he wasn't able to gain the weight he needed. Therefore, they went for a desperate measure. He never came back from surgery."

I don't know from who came the first sob. We cling on each other, Joey crying for the son she lost, me crying for the son I never met. Her unconditional love for Bella since she met her making sense.

"She looks a lot like him, you know?" she whispers in her teary voice. Again, we use that unspoken kind of communication.  
I don't know for how long we stayed like that, crying, trying to find comfort in the closeness. I feel like I have been working for a week with no rest. Exhausted, spent, and I know Joey must feel the same. She speaks first, reading my mind again.

"You need to rest, Pace. You are going to have an awful hangover tomorrow and you can't skip work again." She leaves my arms, returning with water and aspirin. I swallow them, quietly.

"What about you, Jo?" I ask. I know this night will charge its tow on her too.

"I'll be fine, Pace. I'm going to sleep on your couch in case Bella wakes up crying."

"But Joey." I feel we have a lot to talk yet.

"Pacey, I'm fine. "She replies a little too harsh." I can't talk more about this, right now, ok?" she offers with a shy smile.  
I do what I'm told, I can't argue with her now. I fall on my bed, making my best to ignore the sobs I hear from the living room, until I finally drift off to a restless sleep.

**Joeys POV**

It took me a long time to fall asleep on Pacey's uncomfortable couch, but I feel like a weight has been removed form my shoulders. I knew I had to tell him someday, but I didn't want it to be like this.

Reliving those painful moments was like a nightmare, but I had made my peace with them a long time ago. Not that I would get less sad whenever I remember them. It gets easier, but who said it's easy to forget you lost your son?

Whimpering and moaning brought me back from my sleep. Pacey was probably having a nightmare; he had told me he had been having them right after the accident, but I should've guessed they would return tonight with full force. I walk to his room in the darkness, to find him trashing over the bed. I touch his shoulder, shaking him lightly to wake him up.

"Pacey, it's only a bad dream," I say in a soothing voice.

He sits on the bed, panting, mumbling unrecognizable words, his gaze lost. He locks his eyes with mine for a moment, whispering in the darkness.

"You were gone, Joey, and there was nothing I could do." He looks like a little lost boy.

"Pace, I'm right here." I run my fingers through his hair. "I'm right here." I repeat, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Yeah, you are." He repeats, the information that I'm really there sinking in. He brushes a strand of my hair, putting it behind my ear, giving me a weak smile.

I touch his face, reveling in the fact that I'm able to do this again.

"Stay here," he whispers, a finger tracing my eyebrows.

I want to argue it's not a good idea, we're both under strong emotions and feelings right now, but all rational thoughts leave me when his mouth inches closer. It's his way to offer comfort and to plead to be comforted. And we kiss, falling back on the mattress. Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll think about this. Today all I wanna do is feel. Alive.


	17. Chapter 17

**Part 17**

**Joey's POV**

Waking up in Pacey's bed, his arms around me is bittersweet

Waking up in Pacey's bed, his arms around me is bittersweet. Reality and fantasy mixed up. I touch his relaxed face, trying to convince myself that it's real, that last night was real. I feel anxious, one moment I wanna just snuggle close against him, on the other I wanna run away from here, dreading the moment he's going to wake up. Because Pacey waking up we will inevitably going to talk, and I'm really scared of what I'm going to see in his eyes. Or that he will say last night was nothing but a big mistake.

"Potter? Are you awake?" his sleepy voice startles me.

"I'm just thinking." I can't look into his eyes; I hide my face on his chest, feeling his hands in my hair.

"It's too early to be thinking." He yawned loudly.

I raise my head to face him, somewhat surprised by his lighthearted comment.

"Pace, do you realize what happened last night? Do you know what…" I ramble, and he puts a finger on my lips stopping me.

"Slow down, Jo. Of course I know exactly what happened last night, I wasn't that drunk anymore." He chuckles softly. "And even if I was, waking up with a naked Joey Potter in my bed would trigger my memory."

I stare him in surprise. That was not the reaction I was waiting at all.

"So you're ok with us doing this?" I ask, mentioning the obvious nakedness.

"You're asking me if I feel guilty about Maggie?" He sighs. "Yes and no." I frown waiting for him to continue. "It's been only few months she's gone, Jo. But I could never regret being with you, my dream girl." He smiles, kissing my forehead. "What always made me feel so guilty about Maggie was that I liked her, she was my wife, she gave me my daughters, however I could never love her, not the way she deserved, and we both knew that. When the accident happened, we were heading to a point of no return."

I knew it was his time to put all his bottled feeling out there, I just waited. It was an awkward situation, lying naked in his arms, listening to him telling me about his marriage.

"The fights had been so constant, that even though I missed Sam, I avoided being at home as much as possible. Moreover, I felt like the worst jerk, picking up fights with a pregnant woman. The day the car crashed, I was the one supposed to pick Sam at school not her. That's why I felt so guilty. I was the one supposed to die, not her." He sighs deeply again. "And losing Sam at the same time? Felt like an added punishment."

"Punishment? Pacey, why did you feel you needed to be punished?"

"I got so mad at Maggie when she got pregnant again, Jo. I didn't want her to get pregnant at that time, we weren't getting along, and money was tight. I felt trapped, because she knew the only thing really keeping us together, well, what brought us together on the first place was my daughter. Two children would tie me for good. I got so mad that I did something I never thought I could. I started cheating on her."

That really surprised me…One thing I always knew about Pacey was that he would never cheat on a woman he was committed to. He must've sensed my surprise, because he chuckled bitterly before continuing.

"Yep, I did. It disgusted me, but I did it anyway. I wanted to feel free, free form a relationship that was crumbling and I didn't know how to deal with it anymore."

A jolt of comprehension got me; I knew exactly what he was doing when the accident happened.

"You were with your lover when the accident happened?" I had to ask that. Dull feelings in my stomach, making me remember my own cheating husband.

"If I were, I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again. But that doesn't mean that I felt less guilty. I knew what I was doing was wrong. When they died and I was left to take care of a child I didn't want, my world crashed down. I didn't need to say a word, and Ashley knew I wouldn't be seeing her again. But my own guilty was devouring me, so I took my well-known way to escape it. I ran away. However, fate had its own way to show me that running away never solves things. I met you."

"You have no idea of what was like for me to see you again. My dream in front of me. I thought you were beautiful back then, but boy…A grown up Potter was just wonderful. And you didn't throw anything on my way, as I would expect, you even seemed happy to see me again. You wanted to be my friend. And all those feelings I always had for you, they came back with full force, Jo. And it scared the hell out of me. And more I felt them, more guilty I felt too. You looked happy with John, with your life. What could I do? In addition, I felt so ashamed about my previous behavior, towards you, towards Maggie, that I started believing in an inner voice that said you would hate me if I told you that I was a cheater, especially after what you told me about your husband cheating on you with your former roommate. And after all you told me last night, about our baby, I still wonder why you don't." he finished, his voice faltering.

"I couldn't hate you, Pacey, believe me, I tried." I have tears in my eyes, and I stare those clear blue eyes, that are also tearing up. "When I met you again, that day at the ER? Part of me wanted to slap you, but my heart? He was the one to take all of me and offer you my friendship. It was my heart that stopped me to tell you about Dylan, because you were hurting so much after your recent losses. It was my heart that made me say no to Carter's proposal. Because my heart wasn't mine to offer." I brush away his tears with my fingertips. "You said you ran away, Pace, but I did it too. I ran away from my own heart, when I finished things with you on junior year. I knew how I felt back then, and it really hasn't change, but it was so scary, knowing that at the age of sixteen I had found the one, my match for life. So I pushed you away, and only allowed me one night. That one night at your boat? That was one of my most certain decisions in my life."

"Even after all that happened after?" he whispers, caressing softly my hair.

"Especially after all. You gave me my baby, and even if I lost him so early, the moments I had him will be forever etched in my heart. Btu I kept running away from my feelings for you, all I had to do was call, but my fears always got the best of me. Then I met Eddie. I liked him, Pace, I won't deny it, but he was what Dawson had always been for me: he was safe, I knew for the very first moment he would never put my heart at risk. When he proposed, I accepted, knowing perfectly well it wouldn't work. When I found out he was cheating on me with Audrey, less than six months after our wedding, I felt more humiliated than anything else. The whispers, the veiled talks, made me remember everything I left behind in Capeside. So I left Boston, just to meet you again." I smile, touching his cheek. "I guess it was fate returning my heart to where it really belongs."

"I would never cheat on you, Joey; I don't know how anyone could." He says seriously.

"I wouldn't believe you after all you told me, and I do have trust issues, but weirdly enough, I believe and trust you."

I feel his lips on mine, it's not a kiss of passion, we already released all that during the night. It's a kiss of love, of commitment. He leaves a trail of kisses on my neck, whispering against my skin.

"I'm done cheating on my heart."

I take his face between my hands, grinning stupidly. Everything is clear now between us, and it's amazing how he reads my thoughts and inner fears without words. Maybe it happens because we don't need words, our hearts talk to each other in their own language.

"So, these two runners have finally found their racing line?" I tease.

"Knowing us both? Nah... We probably have a marathon ahead." He tightens his arms around me.

"As long we run this one together." I haven't felt this happy in a long, long time.

"As long you don't leave me, I'll be here, by your side."

"So will I, Pace."

"Promise?" he rolls his weight over me, pressing me against the bed

"I promise you forever." He catches my last word in a kiss, and we get lost in our feelings as we make love as the dawn comes.


	18. Chapter 18

I really have to thank those who reviewed...I had this on my computer for ages, and it's really good to share it again.

**Disclaimer: **I think it's pretty clear by now I don't own them :p

**Part 18**

_Pacey's POV_

I look at the beautiful woman walking beside me, wondering how she got me into this. Not really wondering , I know the answer. She gives me the eyes, those beautiful brown eyes of hers, and I'm putty in her hands. She calls it making amends with my past, so that's why she's dragging me to the airport, sending me off to New York. And I know she's right. She's my ultimate challenger, the one always forcing me to stay on the right tracks.

Like last Christmas when she forced me to go to Capeside with her and face all our old friends. Awkward, yes. It had been less than a month since we had got together, and I had no desire at all to go sit with the old gang, I admit. I was pretty scared to face Bessie's wrath for leaving Joey pregnant, but her eyes told me all. She wanted me by her side; it would be a difficult time for both of us. My first Christmas without Sam. Her tenth Christmas without our son.

It was more surreal than angst. Everybody seemed more surprised to see me by Joey's side, with Bella than anything else. One or other bitter word cut by Joey's glares and a promise of never losing contact anymore.

I went with her to the cemetery, holding her under the snow, her tears mixed with mine as I visited my son's grave for the first time. I won't deny I felt a tug, the old feeling of running away from there and all the memories, but she held my hand, making me stay. One look of her eyes, her fingers entwining with mine, and I'm unable to deny her anything.

I even agreed to go to a grief therapist right after we got together. The most important night of my life. Of our lives as she usually says. The night where we poured out our hearts, leaving the past where it belongs. As Jo says, it doesn't matter anymore how or where we run, what matters is that now we run together.

I don't think I'll be ever able to describe in words how it felt to have her in my arms. How it feels t to make love to her night after night since then. But you know what I love most? The mornings. When she's still asleep and amazes and scares me how much I love her and then she opens her eyes, it's almost like I can see her soul through her eyes, her love shining in a lazy smile.

I didn't need to ask her to move in. Joey said she had promised she would never leave, and so she did.  
Technically, I did, because I moved to her apartment. It didn't feel like we were rushing things, we had waited too long to be together. We arranged our schedules, and I can spend more time with my daughter.

And again Joey was right; I was holding something with Bella. I was just scared to lose her, like I had lost her sister. A stupid child fever almost drove me over the edge; I was like one of those freaking parents who go running to the doctor at the first sneeze. And even being a doctor, I froze, overreacted. I took her to the ER, and under Joey's worried stare, I started rambling about how many awful diseases she could have, until she called me to my senses. Of course, that, besides having a whole hour in therapy to talk about that, it became one of her favorite teasing themes too.

"Dada!" A tiny voice brings me back from my daydreaming. I turn to Joey; she has a playful smile on her lips.

"You really spaced out there, Pace." She hands me Bella.

"I'm missing my girls already, Jo." I kiss her forehead softly.

"Pacey, it's just a weekend. We'll be waiting for you in Capeside." She gives me a peck on the lips. "Now hurry or you're gonna miss your plane."

"I wish you would come with me. Both of you." I hold her close to me.

"We already had this talk. It's something you have to do on your own. When Bella gets older and able to understand, she will go with you. Now go, before I ask you to stay."

"Would you?" I whisper into her ear, knowing perfectly the effect it has on her.

"You know I would. I will miss my punching bag," she smirks.

I kiss my girls once more, turning around to see Joey waving and turning to her own departure gate. I stuff my hand in my jacket's pocket, patting the small square box I have in there. I need the final closure before setting sail for my future.

New York is a weird city. I have been out of here for almost a year and it still looks like no time passed at all. The same busy streets, too many people. I chuckled at my worries, calling Bessie's as soon as I got into my hotel to check upon Jo and Bella, relief washing over me as I heard their voices though the phone. I know it's an irrational fear, but it gets better everyday. One day after the other, I find my inner peace.

I make my way through the cemetery. One-step after the other. I try to find my breath, a sudden wave of panic taking over me. Memories of the last time I had been here freezing me. How I wish Joey were here with me, but even though she's not physically, I know her heart is, and the idea soothes me.

I get closer to the gravestones placed side by side, my eyes gazing the inscriptions. Margaret Eliza Witter, beloved wife and mother. Samantha May Witter, my beloved angel. I kneel on the grass, trying to find the words I need to say, emotions running wild, bringing unwanted tears.

"Hi, ladies. It took me a while to gather courage to visit you." I sniff, that's not how I planned it at all. "I missed you. "I glance at Maggie's grave; I know it's her I have to talk first. "Hi, Mags. I don't know even where to start. Perhaps, apologizing for being a jerk when you needed me. For being careless with your heart. For cheating on you with Ashley. For never showing you how much I cared. Because believe me, Mags, I did care for you. You gave me the gift of life, two beautiful lives in form of our daughters, and I will be eternally grateful for them and for all the loving and care you had for me all the time we were together. I'm sorry if I wasn't what you deserved, if I never showed your importance in my life properly, but never think I didn't care. You have a special place in my heart, and you won't be forgotten, I promise. Our daughter, the one you gave your life for, will learn everything about the wonderful woman her mother was. If you could only see her, Maggie. Bella is growing up to be as beautiful as you, blondie."

I brush away my tears, breathing deeply before I continue, this time with Sam.

"Hi, Sammy, it's Daddy. I miss you a lot, angel. I miss every smile, every freckle on you little nose, every time I tucked you in bed. You will always be here with me, in my heart and in my mind. No one can replace you. I like to think that by now you've met your big brother Dylan where you are, and you're both good friends, watching over me, his mom and your sister like our guardian angels. And I have a request for you, munchkin. Watch over mommy for daddy, ok? Take care of her for me, sweetie."

I lift from the ground, my heart much lighter than before. Again, Joey was right; I had to do this alone. I sigh, before talking to Maggie once more.

"I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm really sorry for never giving you my whole heart. But to tell you the truth, it was never mine to give it away. You used to say I was restless, that I was always talking about moving, but I guess it was only my heart wanting to come back where it belonged. I found my true north in Joey, Maggie, my home at last. I had to tell you that, I owed it to you. I just hope you will understand."

"I have to go now, but I promise I'll be back, and bring Bella to meet you both, to tell her your story, our history together. Maggie, take care, sweetheart. Sammy, daddy loves you, and don' forget what I asked you, k? Say hello to Dylan for me, angel."

I start to walk away, and I feel a soft breeze on my face, like a light touch. The feathers of an angel. I smile, knowing in my heart that they understand and are happy for me. Now its time to go back home. To Joey.

_Joey's POV_

I know I'm fidgeting. Pacey should be here by now, he called me just to tell he would be late. Go figure what he has planned on that twisted mind of his. A surprise. He knows how much I hate surprises and do it on purpose. By the way, what am I doing here? Capeside High ten-year reunion, that's being held a year later only God knows why. We were never the school spirited kind of students, why that now?

"Joey, your feet are going to make a whole under the table,"Jen teases me.

"I'm just worried about Pacey; he should be here by now."

"You're just anxious to get your hands on him again." Jack keeps on the teasing game.

"Oh, shut up you two." I crane my neck, scanning the crowd, but with no luck in finding him. I sigh, trying to create a conversation. "So, Andie and Dawson weren't able to come?"

"One of the actors Andie works with is currently casted in Dawson's new movie and theyr'e shooting in Australia right now,"Jack answers me.

A weird thought flashes inside my head. Dawson and Andie, that would be a great couple. Two blonde annoying people with control issues. The perfect ending to our sad incestuous group.

"So Andie and Dawson together in Australia, huh?"

Jack and Jen look at me, like they're hiding something.

"How did you guess? That's my part, Joey," Jen exclaimed.

"I just guessed, those two working together, would fit perfect."

Jack shrugs, mumbling something that sounded like_ I don't wanna my sister to be Dawson's flavor of the month_, and Jen starts teasing him, but for me, the world stops when I feel a hand on my shoulder. A touch that it's enough to make me grin without even looking at him.

"I've been meaning to ask you something all night, Potter. Would you like to dance with me?" He is grinning at me, looking happier than when he left for New York.

"I'd be honored." He takes my hand, leading me to the dance floor, his arms around me as we sway along the soft music. " missed you, Pace."

"I missed you too, sweetheart." He gives me a quick kiss, and I'm perfectly aware of the eyes staring at us in surprise, but the only thing I'm able to do when I'm this close to him is smile.

"How was it?" I ask, seeing a trace of pain on his features, my hand touching his cheek, trying to ease all his suffering. He turns his head, kissing my palm before answering.

"Painful, but you were right, Jo, it had to be done. I feel a lot better now."

My reply is cupping his face between my hands and kissing him with all the love I have for this man. My friend, my lover, my confident, my heart.

"Whoa, Potter. What was that for?" He chuckles embarrassed, but I see in his eyes how much he enjoyed the kiss.

"For being you, Pace. For how much I missed you and for you finding the peace your heart needed."

"When you talk like this, you make me want to kneel in front of you and ask you to marry me right now."

I stare at him in surprise. Although we have been living together the past months, the M word has never been spoken before. He chuckles nervously at my surprise and I don't know why, I suddenly feel dizzy. It's something in his eyes that is giving him away. He really means those words. He leans closer, whispering in my ear, making my knees go weak.

"You wanna know what took me so long to come from the station? I was thinking about a million different ways to ask you a simple question. But my mind was a big blank. I never really did this before, so I wanted it to be romantic and sweet and everything by the book, but you know what? I realize it doesn't matter where or how. What matters is what I feel for you. And all can be summed in one word: Love. I'm not asking you to share your life with me, you already do that. I'm not asking for your heart either, because we're only one heart already. I'm asking simply for your love, as we both shall live."

I fight back the tears, as I stare at him, I mutter one single word.

"Yes."

"Potter, I didn't finish it yet." He kisses my forehead, leading me outside. We pass through our friends, I know they're wondering what's going on, but later they will know anyway.

Pacey takes me to the parking lot outside, still holding my hand. He cups my face between his hands and starts talking again.

"Now that we dont have an audience." He winks." Joey, you have been my dream girl for half of my life, maybe even before that. You are my world. My life begins and ends in you. We had a long road to come to this point, we went through heartache and pain, but this is what made us us. Made us stronger. And this is how we're even stronger: together. I need you, Jo, as my love, my friend, my partner in crime." He clears his throat. "And I will need you for a long time."

Like a dream, I watch him kneel down before me, taking a small box from his pocket, showing me the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.

"What I'm really trying to say with all this rambling, is Josephine Potter, will you marry me?"

"My answer is still the same: yes, Pace." I can't fight the tears anymore. He stands up, sliding the ring on my finger, kissing me repeatedly times, whispering I love you between each kiss.

I look at him in awe when we come down a bit from our happiness, and I know it's time for a final secret to be revealed.

"Pace?"

"Yes, sweetie?" He's kissing my neck now.

"Would you take me to the docks?"

"The docks, Jo? Why the docks? " He stares at me confused.

"You will know when we get there," I say trying to sound mysterious.

"Jo, all I want is go back to the B&B, kiss my daughter good night and ravish my beautiful fiancée,"he whines.

"Please?"

"No, Jo, not the eyes."

"Please?" I start to kiss his neck. Two can play this game.

"Ok, I give. But you will have to reward me for that later, Potter."

"I so intend to, Mr. Witter," I smile slyly.

We go to the docks and we stop in front of a well-known boat slip where an old friend waited for us. He turns to me confused.

"Jo, is that True Love?"

"You see, Pace, when you told Doug to sell the boat, I had to do something about it. I couldn't let my dearest memory go to a person who would never understand the meaning of this boat in my life. So I bought it and Bodie took care of her for me all this years. All the summers I came home, I used to spend them on her; it was my way to stay connected with you."

"I never thought," he mumbles. "I thought I had lost True Love."

"You always had it, Pace, it was only being kept safe till we were ready for it."

He hugs me close, lifting me on his arms. I hand him the boat keys.

"You're not going to say anything?" I ask him.

He doesn't say a word, he jumps to the boat, but when I try to follow he stops me.

"Uh, uh, Potter." He motions with his hand.

"Permission to come aboard?"

"Permission granted." He takes my hand, pulling me to the security of his arms.

"Now what, Pace?" I lift my head to look into his eyes.

"First, I'm going to take her to the open sea and then, I will throw you to the fish," he teases me.

"Pacey Witter, don't you dare," I play along.

"So I will have to settle for just ravishing you then." He shrugs, before kissing me.

I realize that it doesn't matter how hard we fight our hearts, how many ways we try to escape from our feelings, destiny will always bring you back to the point where you should be. I don't know what would've happened if I had gone with Pacey the first time he left, or if I had asked him to stay, but I have this gut feeling that somehow, I would end up right here, in his arms. This is my world now and I wouldn't exchange it for nothing.

_Pacey's POV_

So this is how a dream come true feels like. It's better than a dream, because this woman I have in my arms now, is my reality. You might ask me if I could change my past, if I would change it. My answer is no. Because I lived, the best way I could. I had pain and suffering, but I had happy moments too. And I ended up right here, where I was supposed to be since the beginning. With her. With Joey. My world.


	19. Epilogue

Here it is..the last of it.

**Epilogue**

**Joey's POV**

I pad in the darkness back to my bed. I lay on my side and immediately I feel my husband's arms on my waist.

"Are you all right, Jo?" he asks sleepily, nuzzling my neck.

"Yep, I just needed to pee and..."

"You checked upon the children too?" I can feel him smiling.

"You know me, I was worried, first night in a new house, but they're exactly like their father, both sleeping soundly. And snoring."

"I do not snore, Dr. Josephine."

"I'm sorry to tell you, Dr. Witter, but you do snore. Your wife told me so."

It's been five years since we met again. So much has changed...We got married not long after he proposed, and my wedding gift to him was a positive pregnancy test. The pregnancy was tranquil and uneventful, but we were both stressed about the baby's health. Thanks God, a lightening doesn't happen twice on the same place and on a calm spring morning, April 27th, I gave birth to Samuel Michael Witter, a healthy 8 pounds baby boy. With his moms eyes and his fathers personality.

"My wife lied." He nibbles my neck, his hand caressing my rounded stomach. Yeah, count on Pacey Witter to increase the world population.

"I don't lie, Pace. A mom never lies." I turn around in his arms to face him. To stare into those blue eyes that talk to me of love and happiness. Knowing that my eyes show the same.

"So I snore? What about you?" Pacey asks his both hands on my belly. I joke that if he could, he would walk around all day attached to my stomach like that. The baby moves, causing my husband to chuckle. "Someone is busy in there."

"Yeah, she's wide awake this time of the night." I cover his hands with my own. "Definitely a Witter; picks the right timing to annoy me." I smile, showing that I'm not annoyed at all.

"And you love us Witters for that." Pacey kisses me softly. I rest my head against his shoulder, the closer I can get. "Jo, do you think we did the right thing?" He asks me seriously.

We're back in Capeside. Last year Pacey got an offer to the position of Chief of Staff at the ER at the Capeside Memorial, and he accepted it, if I could get a job there too. They were a little bit reluctant, but in the end, Pacey won, and we moved back here. It's a weird feeling to be back where you fought so hard to leave, but we realized that it could be better for our careers and our children, to grow up in a smaller town, near their family, near our childhood memories.

"Pacey, I thought we were over this discussion. And besides, there's no going back now."

"But you loved Chicago."

"I will always love Chicago, we have good friends there, we got together there and our son was born there, but it's not the place where we are that is important, us, together, with our family, that's what is important."

"Ok, as always, you're right, Jo. Let's change the subject. What are your plans for tomorrow, birthday girl?"

"Pace, did you take a look at me? I can't be called a girl anymore, not with this huge belly," I laugh.

"You're still my girl, my dream girl, and beautiful as ever."

Before I could reply, a loud thunder was heard, followed by the recognizable cry of mommy from Sam. He hates thundering; it's the only thing that can disturb his sleep. Pacey leaves the bed.

"Don't worry, Jo, I'll get him."

Not a minute after he's left, I see a small form against the doorframe.

"Mommy? I got scared." Bella says in her sweet voice. She is so beautiful, with her dark hair and blue eyes, our little doll. Last year we told her that she has two mommies; the other one has turned into her guardian angel and watches her from Heaven. She seemed satisfied with that explanation, and asked no more questions.

"It's ok, sweetie." I pat the spot beside me, and she runs for it when another thunder followed by lightening roars. "It's pretty scary." I run my hand through her hair. "You can stay here." She mumbles something like thanks beneath the blanket. I lift my eyes, grinning when I see Pacey carrying a very scared Sammy with him.

"Getting crowded here, huh, Potter?" He jokes, and lays our son on our bed, and joining us on the king sized bed. Pacey tries to sing something to calm down the children, being booed by them, as usual. It takes a while, but soon the storm is over and the children fall asleep. Pacey turns off the lights and holds my hand above our kids. The last image I have in my mind before falling asleep is his eyes, looking adoringly at our family and no dream could be better than this.

**Pacey's POV**

I watch Joey falling asleep, her hand in mine, our kids in bed with us. We have been through a long road to get here. Some days harder than the others, but we made it. Together. We had to overcome our losses, picking up the shattered pieces of our hearts in the way. Joey is more than my wife, my friend, my lover. She has been also my rock. Whenever I let the sadness take over me, she smiles and holds my hand, without a word and I know that no matter what, she'll be there with me. When I was young, I dreamt about a perfect life. Guess what? Life is not perfect, but as I watch the woman I love, glowing, a new life we created growing within her, my daughter, who isn't hers from blood, but sure is from heart, and our little boy, I know that I got quite close to perfection.


End file.
